The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction
by Gustpetal
Summary: Have you ever wondered if your character might be a Mary-Sue? Did you ever think you weren't very good at making cryptic and intriguing prophecies? You might find the answers to your questions and more on this show titled The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! Follow Honeyshine and crew as they try to make a guide to writing stories about their world!
1. Mary Sues

**Disclaimer: I do not own Starkit/Starpaw/Stargleam/Gleamstar/Starstar, of Starkit's Prophecy. She belongs to XxDarkrosesxX, thankfully.**

**Guestperson here, with yet another story! Except, this story isn't quite like my other stories, because it's not just a story, but an informative one. It also contains a lot more humor and general silliness than my other stories. I made this in the interest of helping other writers make interesting and unique warriors stories, like I strive to do with my own three projects (which will most likely all become connected to each other over time). In the spirit of tying my stories to each other, I have some supporting characters from some of my other stories that will be featured in this story. **

**So what does this story have to offer you as a writer, exactly? Well, it will give you tips and tricks to making good characters, good plots, ****and also teaches you to recognize and understand popular types of stories (how do you tell a troll-fic is a troll-fic?) and the dreaded Mary-Sue, bane of all writers (except, of course, if you are writing a troll-fic). If you ever wanted to make a cryptic prophecy, or avoid creating a Mary-Sue, then allow this "show" to be your guide.**

**Honeyshine, take it away!**

**Episode One: Mary Sues**

"Gladly!" a fluffy, golden-furred she-cat exclaimed. She was sitting on a cushiony, red chair in the middle of a stage with glazed, golden-brown, wood-plank flooring. Her white-tipped paws were busy rearranging her fur in a tasteful fashion. She beamed up at the camera, and sat straight-backed in her chair. "Hello, viewers, welcome to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! I am your hostess, Honeyshine!"

She turned in her red chair to indicate a person sitting off-stage. The person was wearing a blue t-shirt, jeans, glasses that hung on the bridge of her nose, messy blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and had a laptop sitting on her lap. She was staring at the screen intensely, and had earbuds plugged into her ears. Honeyshine beamed at the person, and waved her paw. "This is GP, the show's scriptwriter! Say hello, GP!"

"Hmm?" The girl said, lifting her eyes from the screen. She pulled her earbuds out, and looked at the gold and white she-cat imploringly. "Whatd'ya say, Honeyshine?"

"Isn't she just amazing?" The she-cat gushed, turning away from the rather confused writer to look back at the camera. "Our cameracat here is Pewter, but he doesn't talk much. Then again, GP doesn't talk too much either." Reluctantly, the slate-gray tom turned his camera over so the viewers could see him. He stared back at them with half-lidded yellow eyes, and looked for all the world like he would rather be doing something else.

"And the other member of our crew is Fell, our security guard! Hi, Fell!" The camera panned over to a tiny white she-cat who was playing with a ball of moss. The she-cat looked up as Honeyshine introduced her, and squeaked happily.

"Aw, you're so cuuuuute," Honeyshine said, covering her cheeks with her paws. She bounced back around in her chair to stare into the camera. "Anyway, now that the crew's been all introduced, it's time to bring in my co-hosts!" The golden and white she-cat turns over to pick up a strange-looking remote controller. Clicking a button, there was a sudden loud _zap _and a shriek came from backstage. The camera zoomed in dramatically on the curtain as a young gray tom tumbled out from behind it. He looked dazed. Then, the curtain parted again as three more cats stepped out. One was a ginger she-cat, another was a young brown tabby and white she-cat, and the last one was a black and white kit.

"You guys need to get a better mode of transportation!" the gray tom growled, getting to his feet. He padded over to the collection of red seats, and sat down in one of them. The other three followed suit, with the brown tabby promptly fainting as soon as she sat down. There was a low _thunk _as she fell off and hit the floor. "See?" the gray tom said, pointing at her unconscious body.

"This here is Smokepaw," Honeyshine exclaimed, jabbing a paw at the gray tom. "The ginger she-cat is Fox, the unconscious tabby is Brindle, and the black and white one is Badgerkit."

"What are we doing here already?" the kit exclaimed, looking at Honeyshine quizzically.

"We've started airing early!"

"Great," Badgerkit said, frowning.

"Oh, come on guys, it's not that bad!" GP called from her seat off-stage. She had her arms crossed and her laptop off to the side.

"Are you kidding?" Smokepaw asked incredulously, raising a paw. "You're supposed to be updating your other stories, but instead, you decide to force some of your characters to give advice to some other two-legs that we could care less about. Don't even get me started on _this _she-cat—!" Honeyshine beamed as Smokepaw pointed an accusing paw at her. "—or the fact that we're basically teaching your fellows how to torture their own enslaved cats! I'm sorry, but that's hardly ethical!"

GP huffed, and brushed a stray strand of pale hair off her forehead. "Moving on." She presented a remote, and clicked one of the many buttons on it. There was another loud _zap,_ and a purple and white she-cat suddenly appeared in center of the stage. She rose her head, and opened her eyes to reveal rainbow irises. "Everyone," GP began grimly. "Meet Stargleam."

"OmMGGG!111! Wur ahm i!?11/?!" The she-cat exclaimed, looking around the stage.

Fox hissed, her hackles rising as she receded into her chair. "What _is _that abomination?"

"Whhuoo?/? Meii?" The purple she-cat exclaimed. She looked over at the ginger battleleader ecstatically, and it was apparent that she doesn't know what the word "abomination" meant, for she purred, and sat down to explain herself. "I ahm Gleaeamstaharr, Sthaarstahar, Staarkit, Stauhrpah, and Stahrgleem! Buhtt u can cull me Steargleahm!11!"

"Why don't you just have one name?" Badgerkit mewed curiously, his brow furrowed in confusion.

The purple she-cat shrugged. "i dont no, I gess my creeahtor wuz cunflictahd bout wich 1 fit me behst."

"How about none of them?" Fox said dryly.

"Precisely, Fox," Honeyshine said, a list magically appearing in her paws as she suddenly adopted a more serious attitude. "Stargleam here, as we're going to call her, is going to help us today on the show."

"Hmm?" Brindle exclaimed, finally stirring from unconsciousness.

"We're going to take this rainbow-eyed kitty and change her from a 'Sue to a believable character," Honeyshine explained, pushing her newfound reading-glasses up the bridge of her nose.

"Where did those come from?" Smokepaw asked quizzically, narrowing his eyes at the glasses.

"Dunno," Honeyshine said with an apologetic shrug. She looked down at Stargleam, who was grooming her fur. "Alright, let's read through this list, lessee . . ."

**1\. Avoid using strange or very pretty-sounding prefixes and suffixes. That is, no using things like Ruby, Gem, Angel, Demon, Winter, Sparkle, Pretty, Shining, et cetera. Moon, Sun, and Star are usually off-limits, but since Moon and Sun have been used by the Erins, they are technically usable. Star is a big no-no, though. Try using simple, "supporting-character-like" prefixes and suffixes, like, for example, Brackenpelt. It makes the character more relatable and realistic.**

"Alright," Honeyshine said, grabbing her trusty remote again. "First off, we've gotta give Stargleam here a new name. I dub thee . . . Dawntail! A pretty prefix balanced by a generic suffix." The golden and white she-cat nodded, pleased with her work.

The newly renamed Dawntail looked up at Honeyshine in confusion. "Hey, you can't just change my name like tha—"

"Interrupting cow!" Honeyshine said quickly, cutting the purple and white she-cat off. "And yes, I _can_! Moving on to the next thing!"

**2\. Give your cat a realistic appearance. No green, bright yellow, purple, pink, or flat-out red/blue fur (ginger is a substitute for red, and blue-gray for blue), please. And give your character realistic eye colors, too, unless they're intentionally mutated or magical. Cat eyes can be blue, green, yellow, gold, amber, and in the case of albinos, pink/red.**

"Sorry, she-cat!" Fox purred. "But the purple fur and rainbows have got to go!" Honeyshine eagerly raised her remote, and before Dawntail could tackle her, she pressed a button. Right before the other cat's eyes, Dawntail's purple fur morphed into a tabby brown and white. Her rainbow irises were taken over by a dark amber, and the she-cat pawed at her fur in dismay.

"I-I loek so plane1!" The brown tabby and white she-cat exclaimed in horror.

"Believe me, it's an improvement," Fox said, grinning toothily.

"What next!" Honeyshine squealed, sounding like a female two-leg looking for another outfit to try on while on a shopping spree. She unfurled her magical list.

**3\. Avoid giving characters powers, especially if they don't have any discernible weaknesses or limits. **

"Thank StarClan," Honeyshine said. "I was worried she was going to remember she had powers before we got to this part. No brainwashing, coming back to life, or archangel whatever-ness for you anymore, Dawntail!"

"Waiht, I ahd powers?" Dawntail asked, looking down at her paws in surprise. Before she could figure out how to use said powers, Honeyshine pressed another button on her remote. Dawntail screeched as a ball of white light suddenly flew from her forepaws, and into Honeyshine's device. The golden and white she-cat patted the remote possessively, and smiled down at brown tabby and white Mary-Sue.

**4\. Now for personality. Be prepared to give your character some faults, and weaknesses, and not just physical ones, but psychological ones, too. For example, let's say your character is tactless and says things without meaning to or thinking about it, first.**

"Tactless, eh?" Smokepaw said, putting a paw to his chin thoughtfully. "Give me that remote, I've got just the thing." Grinning, Honeyshine gave the gray tom her magical device of supreme power.

"Naht only r u takin away everytin dat mad me speshul &amp; bootiful, butt now ur goen 2 change the wae my mind werks?" Dawntail shrieked. "Absolootly naht!" The brown tabby and white she-cat dived off the stage, and made a break for the exit.

"Fell!" Honeyshine cried, pointing at her dramatically.

The tiny white kit, who was somehow in charge of security, squeaked, and abandoned her moss ball to toddle over to Dawntail. The brown tabby and white she-cat stopped in her tracks, and looks at Fell in surprise. The white she-kit stared up at her with what had to be the most adorable pair of big, blue eyes.

"Awwww!111!" Dawntail cooed, sitting down. The brown tabby seems to be put in a trance by the white kit's cuteness, completely forgetting about trying to escape. "Ur so kawaei!"

"Quick, change her already!" Fox hissed.

"Got it!" Smokepaw said, pressing down the button Honeyshine had indicated. "Dawntail, you are now not a very smart cat (not that you ever were), and it takes you a while to understand things. You get spooked easily, and hate fighting. You're loyal to your friends, and love kits."

Honeyshine nodded. "Nice, Smokey."

"Don't call me that."

Dawntail looked up from Fell to look at the cats on stage with confusion. "Wh-where am I? Who are you?"

"We're up here, and you're supposed to be as well," Fox said testily.

"Are you sure you changed her personality too much?" Badgerkit exclaimed skeptically, curled in his chair. "It didn't seem like she was very smart before."

"Hush, Badgerkit, don't be mean to our guest," Honeyshine said, looking down at the list. She clears her throat and reads the next entry on the list.

**5\. When you make your character's history, don't make it too tragic or unusual, unless it pertains to the plot. Be realistic.**

"Alright," Honeyshine says, putting her list back on the stand next to her chair. "I don't know about you, but being the child of a blind medicine cat and a she-cat from another clan seems awfully unrealistic."

Brindle frowned. "What's a clan?"

Smokepaw ignored the Gray World she-cat's question, and lifted up Honeyshine's remote. "Alright, Dawntail, your parents were both warriors of ThunderClan. You saw your mother die in front of you defending the nursery when you were only a kit, which is why you're so skittish. You have a lot of siblings, from three different litters. You're from the youngest litter, and your littermates' names are Gorsefang and Rushfeather. Your older siblings are named Juniperleap, Birdpelt, and Oakshadow. You have a friend named Redfoot. I think that's it." The gray tom coughed when he was done, and handed the remote back to Honeyshine.

"It seems we've covered everything!" Honeyshine declared, rolling up her list, and pointing the remote at Dawntail. "Thank you for helping us! I'll send you back now!" The brown tabby and white she-cat disappeared with a _pop_. Her clanmates were in for quite a surprise.

"Well, that was fun," Honeyshine said, sitting back. "But I think our viewers might be confused about something."

"And what would that be?" Brindle piped up.

"What exactly a Mary-Sue is!" The golden she-cat hopped off her chair and crossed over to a whiteboard a little ways across the stage. She picked up a marker, and began writing. "To the best of our knowledge, a Mary-Sue is a 'perfect character', and it is to be avoided by writers at all costs. However, what defines a perfect character?"

There was a period of silence from the other four cats before Badgerkit finally shrugged. "I don't know."

"Precisely," Honeyshine mewed. "The term Mary-Sue is so encompassing, that it has to be split into different categories. Allow me to present the first category." The she-cat crossed her t's and dotted her i's, and then turned to present what she'd written down on the whiteboard.

**1\. Self-Insertion: These types of Sues occur when a writer wants to put themselves into a world pre-established by some other author. They work as a wish-fulfillment. **

"Picture this," Honeyshine says, raising her paws. "You've recently been sucked into a new fandom, and you've begun wishing that you could live in the world of this fandom. You end up creating an OC that you'll admit is a lot like you, or rather, what you wish you could be. That OC goes on to do a lot of great and frankly, unrealistic things within the universe of your choice. Perhaps they even get into a relationship with one of the canon characters!"

The golden and white she-cat turned back to the board. "Don't get me wrong though, it's good to have a character that is relatable to the writer. It's nigh impossible to write about a character that isn't anything like you. Take maybe a couple traits about you and pack that character with some different flaws and strengths. That way, you don't have to worry about having a Self-Insertion Sue."

**2\. Tragic Sue: The opposite of the Classic Sue. This Sue has a horrible history, like having had her family die. Typically, the characters that hate her are all antagonists (meaning the "bad guys" of the story), and the characters that like her are her supporting characters. Tragic Sue spends most of the story moping around, yet somehow manages to pull through in the end, most likely making a great sacrifice to defeat the main villain. The characters that disliked her all end up suffering somehow, no matter how justified their disliking of her is. Either that, or they convert over to her side. **

"There are many stories on this site that are centered around the main character being under appreciated, and end up proving themselves against all odds. Think about your story if it's like this. Is your protagonist underdeveloped? Are all the cats who dislike your character 'evil', or destined to be evil? Does your character end up having some fantastical power, or becomes 'one of the greatest leaders in the history of BlahClan?' If the answer to all of these questions is yes, you might want to remedy that plot," Honeyshine said, putting her paws on her hips.

"Who are you taking to?" Brindle asked.

"The viewers, duh," Honeyshine replied, turning to face the brown tabby and white she-cat. Brindle wrinkled her nose.

"What viewers? I don't see them!"

Honeyshine sighed, and puts a paw to her forehead. "Talking about technology would take too much time, I'm afraid." She spun back to the board.

**3\. Romantic Sue: These Sues typically have multiple other characters fall in love with them, as the Romantic Sue is a very beautiful person (although the Sue thinks they're average or whatever). I can't think of a case where those "other characters" aren't canon, but all the same, I believe Romantic Sue can apply to OC pairings as well as OCxCanon pairings. Romantic Sue is very commonly part of Self-Insertion Sue.**

"Pretty self explanatory," Honeyshine said. "Moving on."

**4\. Destiny Sue: This Sue has a great destiny, possibly "one of the greatest destinies evah". They have to defeat a great ****villain, and/or save the clans/entire world (you gotta aim high as a Sue :P). They most likely have great powers, too, "the greatest powers evah" even. The writer will describe the plot as "epic", "world-changing", and the "climax of the entire fandom".**

Honeyshine wrinkles her snout. "Soooo, if a summary of your story is somewhere along the lines of 'a prophecy of greater worth than ever before is about to be told, and one cat may hold the greatest destiny ever in their paws', you ought to change up that plot a bit. Destiny Sue isn't as terrible as some of the others, though. I know for a fact GP doesn't mind them, as long as they are solely Destiny Sues, and don't fit the description of the other Sues."

**5\. Pure Sue: This character can do no wrong. They are the essence of good, and was possibly sent down from StarClan to cleanse the clans of evil. Any character who remotely dislikes this character is tainted and lowly in some shape or form. This character may be referenced with some forms of Twoleg religion.**

"One distinct example of this type of Sue is Stargleam, who was sometimes very blatantly compared to—if you can believe it—_Jesus_ in Starkit's Prophecy," Honeyshine said dryly. The golden and white she-cat turned to the camera. "These are only a handful of examples of the various forms of 'perfect characters' in existence, but they are the most common in the Warriors fandom. Take note that Stargleam was actually a combination of all of the mentioned Sues, except for possibly Self-Insertion, because the author was most likely a troll. What's a troll you ask? Well, that's a question for another episode!"

"So, let me get this straight," Badgerkit mewed, bouncing down from his seat. "These two-legs are apparently making cats, and they're worried about them being too 'perfect?'"

Honeyshine nodded briskly. "Yes, that's the general idea."

Badgerkit frowned. "Twolegs are weird."

"I second that!" Fox called from her seat.

"Alright!" Honeyshine exclaimed as she sprang back into her chair. "I think this concludes the first episode of The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction! Thanks for tuning in, and keep your eyes open for the next episode, which will be titled Prophecies and Powers!"

**Thank you very much, Honeyshine, for an informative episode on Mary-Sues!**

**I hope you all found this first chapter helpful, and that you agree with my points. Like Honeyshine said, the next episode will be about making good, cryptic prophecies. We will be analyzing canon prophecies, and offering pointers to making your own prophecies. We will also put a spotlight on powers (no pun intended), and magic in general.**

**Digital cookies to all viewers! Stay tuned!**


	2. Prophecies and Power Numero Uno

**Welp. This is by far my most popular story. Twelve reviews in one chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long to give you all the second chapter!**

**Now, since this is a spoof, I'm inclined to answer all y'all reviews. **

**SnowSparktheKat: Confetti! First review! You're very welcome, I tried to stop myself from writing this, but instead of writing potentially offensive reviews on other people's stories, I was like, you know what, let's make a random story for all this stuff. I'm glad it seems to be a success. x3**

**Silver Tarot: Ah, yeah. There tends to be a lot of dem Sues in this section, probably because these books are targeted at a younger audience who are just starting out as writers. I know that my first attempts at writing as a tiny child were probably pretty Suefull. Thankfully, I was too shy to share them with other people.**

**Arwenmina: Sapphire blue stuff is probably something I'm going to discuss when I get to Purple Prose. I would let that pass, considering the stuff I've seen on wolf RPs. o.o Those guys' thesaurus's must be in flames, or something. As for the digital cookie recipe, I'm afraid it is not my own. And Honeyshine would probably murder me if I revealed the secret ingredient.**

**Silverstripe689: Thanks! Unfortunately, I doubt this was the swiftest of updates. 3:**

**Shadow765: And I love you, reviewer! **

**jazara evergreen: Why, thank you. I'm sure Honeyshine would appreciate knowing that twolegs enjoy her digital cookies, as well.**

**Amberflame805: I try to be original, so it's good to hear that you think so! Look, here's another chapter!**

**Creekrunner: The term Mary-Sue has just become so bloated and over-used that I kind of had to split them into groups. If you want to see more types, a lot of what I said was inspired by the info on TVtropes. Beware though, that site can suck you in for hours. **

**wildspiritontheloose: Yeah, I've seen things like this before, and I decided to do something that would keep readers entertained, as well as feed them information. Thus, I came up with the idea of a show where cats try to explain things to humans. And yes, I am fourteen. Ever since I was young, I felt like I wanted to be a writer, so I did it all the time. Because of this, I think my writing is usually more advanced than that of others my age. Fox and Brindle are from Beyond Oblivion, a story about the world cats go to after they die in StarClan, or don't believe in any afterlife.**

**Leafelora: Ah, roleplay. I remember the days when I was (illegally, because I wasn't yet thirteen) romping around Warriors role-play. Festered with Sues and cliches, of course, and I kind of gave up on animal role-plays after awhile. I still miss the Warriors roleplaying though, and occasionally stalk them. **

**windflight13: Will do! -salutes-**

**Sivillian: Well, naturally the lone trollfic Gary-Stu ought to be as Stuish as possible. And I do intend on doing a chapter or two later on how to make a good troll-fic! xD I'm looking forward to seeing how you interpret my more serious chapters, though. **

**Now, to the part we all came here for!**

**Warning: This chapter has spoilers for pretty much every Warriors book ever. Except Dawn of the Clans. And some Super Editions. And, of course, all the fanfiction stories. **

**Episode Two: Prophecies and Power Part One**

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _The camera slowly came to life, lens whirring into place as it tried to find a focus. Pewter held the twoleg-created device in his paws, a nasty smile on his face. The audience would be unable to see his smirk though, so the joke may end up being lost on them. However, the yellow-eyed tom wasn't too worried about that. Only he had to be laughing.

Carefully, the sneaky cameracat trained his camera on the scene before him on stage. _Oh yes_, Pewter thought. _T__his is going to be so worth it. So worth it. _

A loose semicircle of cats were sitting in red, plush chairs that looked like they'd cost a fortune. Really, it had been Honeyshine who had insisted on having such pieces of luxury to feature the hosts in. _"The audience won't want to watch us if we're sitting in plaid couches! Ugh, just imagine it!" _The glazed wooden floor was looking shiner than ever (cleaned by Pewter, who was apparently the janitor, too), and in the center of the arrangement of chairs was a glass table. Cards were stacked in the middle of the table, and in the paws of the hosts were a hand of cards each. Pewter narrowed his eyes as he concentrated on adjusting the focus so that the viewers would be able to read the labels on the back of the cards.

Many in their comfortable, modern dens would lean forward and squint at the TV in disbelief and wonder as the gray tom finally succeeded. There would be many gasps, cries of dismay, some grumblings about the unreliability of these new up and coming shows ("back in the old days . . ."). But there would be no denying the name of the game.

"Do you have any . . . sevens?"

"Nope. _Go Fish!_"

There would be many groans and face-palms, yes indeed. Pewter knew this all too well, and he couldn't help the smile that began to spread across his features.

Back on stage, Brindle reached forward with stubby legs, a look of great concentration and strain on her face as she tried to snatch the card on the top of the pile. A hiss escaped her, and she ended up batting at the glass table like a kittypet would a ball of yarn. "Ugh, why didn't you make the chairs closer to the table?"

Honeyshine shrugged innocently, and rearranged the cards in her paws. Her fluffy, golden and white fur was looking as shiny as ever, but there was a hard, competitive gleam in the she-cat's eyes. She arched a white brow at Smokepaw, who looked at her with the best poker face he could muster. There was a silent, intense stare-off before Honeyshine finally spoke.

"Smokepaw, do you have any . . . _fours_?"

The gray tom gritted his teeth, but reluctantly handed over his Four of Hearts to the gleeful gold and white she-cat. "Yes!" she shrieked, springing up in her chair, and waving her paws about. "~I've got a boo-ook, I've got a boo-ook, you guys all su-uck, I've got a boo-ok!~" Honeyshine sung mockingly, dancing in her chair.

Fox's lip curled back from her teeth, an expression of great annoyance spreading on her features. "This is utterly ridiculous," the ginger and white she-cat hissed to Brindle in the chair next to hers. The brown tabby and white she-cat had finally managed to snatch a card from the deck, and nodded in agreement.

"I'd rather not ever be reincarnated as a member of the Warrior Clans if this is something they do all the time in StarClan," Brindle said, eying Honeyshine.

The golden she-cat had finally paused in her little victory dance so she could put down her book of fours. "Hah, take that, newbies!"

Pewter had decided he'd gotten a satisfactory amount of content, and looked over at Fell. The white she-cat was sitting on a director's chair next to him, and she grinned when he nodded at her pointedly. The little, white kit promptly grabbed a mic, and cleared her throat rather importantly into it. "_Ahem_."

Every head on stage jerked up and turned around in bewilderment. Honeyshine's gaze was narrowed, her paws on her hips, when she noticed the blinking red light on Pewter's camera. Her mouth dropped open, blue eyes widening. "Pewter!"

"Here, hold this," the gray tom said, handing his camera to Fell. There was an angry screech from Honeyshine back on the set, and Pewter turned and ran for the exit.

"Pewter, I am going to _kill _you!" The golden and white she-cat launched herself off her chair and arched off stage, tearing through the empty audience chairs as she pelted after the gray tom. "Do you have any _idea _how much I spent on getting this show up and running?! We're going to be a freaking laughingstock!"

"I'm sure the press will love it!" Pewter called. "You should see those popular shows! They have ridiculous stuff on every episode!"

The cats on stage stood in their chairs, dumb-founded. The last image the viewers back home would have before the screen suddenly went to black would be Fell's face, as she tapped the camera lens, wondering how in the world to get it to work. For a few moments there would be a bunch of static, and when it cleared, Fox would be sitting in the hostess' chair, Smokepaw, Badgerkit, and Brindle seated around her. They all had blank, disbelieving expressions on their faces, like they'd just witnessed a zombie apocalypse, except for Fox who just looked irritated.

"Hello, and welcome to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction show," Fox said in a slow, monotonous voice. "We hope you all enjoy today's episode; Prophecies and Power."

There was a crash off-stage, and a wild screech of anger. No one on set so much as blinked. Fox looked at the sheet of papers in her hand and flipped to the next page. "First off," she said, continuing her bored, flat voice. "We have a rant from GP about prophecies."

Pewter suddenly appeared, sprinting across the wooden stage like his life depended on it. The short-haired tom somehow managed to look like a spiky, gray bush of fur, his tail puffed out completely. There was a snarl off-stage, and Honeyshine came tearing after him. "Do you realize how _ridiculous _you made me look?"

Badgerkit leaned over to Smokepaw and said something to him under his breath, and the two toms abruptly burst out into peals of laughter.

"Shut your pie-holes!" Honeyshine hissed, skidding to a stop. There was a sigh of relief, and near to the camera, someone muttered something about getting the camera back. The camera angle shifted awkwardly as Fell handed back Pewter his camera, and the tom hesitantly sat in his chair.

"Give me that!" The golden and white snarled at Fox, snatching the papers. The ginger she-cat blinked at her and sprang back in her chair. Honeyshine pulled herself up into her chair, padded her fur down, and cleared her throat.

"**I don't understand where this is coming from, or why so many people this it's such a good idea, but apparently everyone thinks a qualified prophecy needs the suffixes and/or prefixes of the cats involved. It doesn't. In fact, I think it's stupid. People seem to joke all the time about how troll-fics have the most obvious prophecies ever, but what I find is that these people themselves have pretty darn obvious prophecies. For today's episode, I want you all to forget anything you think you know about the prophecies of the Warriors world, and ****learn how to make a proper, more cryptic omen.**"

After reading the excerpt from GP's papers, Honeyshine sprang off her chair, and over to the whiteboard next to the arrangement of red chairs. "Alright, we are going to observe every prophecy from the canon books of Warriors, and run through some rules. Rule one," Honeyshine said, pausing to write down the rule. "Is 'Prefixes and suffixes should be avoided unless the cat in question doesn't have that name yet.'

"For example, the first ever prophecy in the Warriors series, _Fire will save the clan_, contains the prefix 'Fire-', but when the prophecy is revealed, 'Fire' could be any cat. Bluestar was really going on a hunch when she named Rusty Firepaw, and we didn't even know how Firepaw would save the clan. All in all, the prophecy manages to be very cryptic when we first hear it."

"Do we get to say anything?" Badgerkit asked, turning around in his chair.

"Just let me finish, Badgerkit, then we can get to discussions," Honeyshine said testily. "Okay, rule number two, Prophecies can lie and/or have multiple outcomes/meanings." The golden she-cat reached up to squiggle out the next rule with her red marker.

"The second prophecy in Warriors canon was _Four will becomes Two, Lion and Tiger will meet in battle, and Blood will rule the forest. _While a bit confusing at first, this prophecy suggested that WindClan and ThunderClan will join to make one uber-clan called LionClan, and RiverClan and ShadowClan will join to make TigerClan. Both clans would fight, but BloodClan, a clan of rogues Tigerstar had persuaded to help him, would come out on top and rule all the others. In the books, it seemed like this would happen when Scourge killed Tigerstar, and then stole Firestar's life, however, Firestar did not have all his lives taken from him, and managed to alter the outcome of the prophecy.

"We encourage you to try this method of multiple meanings/outcomes the next time you write a prophecy. It gives a feeling of uncertainty, and makes it possible for the bad guy or whatever to reach their goal."

"Anyone else getting a kinda creepy vibe from all of this?" Brindle muttered. "It ruffles my pelt the wrong way to think we're giving twolegs advice to dictate the fate of other cats."

"Whatever, as long as it doesn't involve my fate," Smokepaw declared, curling up in his seat. "Now, when you're done giving your lecture, wake me."

Honeyshine huffed, and went back to writing. "Okay, the next prophecy is from the next generation of Warriors canon. _Darkness, Air, Water, and Sky will come together and shake the forest to its roots. _This time, words were used to substitute for the names of the clans; Shadow, Wind, River, and Thunder. Once again, this prophecy doesn't outright suggest _who _is going on the journey to the Sundrown place, but instead, implements _signs _to show who is supposed to represent each clan.

"Signs aren't used nearly enough in Warriors fanfiction, even though they constitute for most of the omens medicine cats get in the canon series. For example, Mothwing is made a medicine because Mudfur found a moth's wing outside his den. In actuality, Mothwing's brother, Hawkfrost, had put the wing there on purpose so he could get Mothwing to relay false signs.

"Okay, so rule three now would be to remember that there are other ways of getting StarClan to communicate with the clans rather than just having them standing around a random pool, summoning random medicine cats, and reciting random stuff."

"Wait, so is that the generally accepted way your dead spirit cats communicate with the living cats?" Fox exclaimed, sounding amused and disbelieving at the same time.

"Shut up, ginger-face, apparently the twolegs think it's rad," Honeyshine growled. "Do you want me to chase you around the building like I just did with Pewter here? If so, please keep pushing my buttons."

"For the hundredth time," Pewter protested, speaking up. "I thought that seeing you guys doing something funny would up the ratings. If you ever go on the twolegs' video network, you can see a lot of videos of cats doing random things. Twolegs dig it!"

"That's . . . kinda creepy," Badgerkit said, his eyes widening. "What if they're watching us right now?"

"They are, Badgerkit!" Smokepaw snapped. "We're on a show, remember?"

"Oh, right. My bad."

"Can we just stay on track, please?" Honeyshine exclaimed, waving her forelegs.

"You mean just go back to sitting around and doing nothing?" Brindle asked. "What are we even here for, then? Just to look pretty?"

"Precisely!" Honeyshine said, relieved to see someone who understood. She indicated her mouth, and with the edge of her paws, traced her smile. "Maybe a few purrs, too!"

"Okay, this is stupid," Fox said, narrowing her eyes. "Where's that remote so I can check out?"

"You'll never find it!" Honeyshine said gleefully, back to that creepy-happy phase of hers.

"Urrgh, kill me soldier," Fox said to Brindle, putting her paws over her head.

"Roger," Brindle said, saluting her battleleader before tackling her off her red chair. The two she-cats went tumbling across the stage, a whirling ball of fangs and fur.

Honeyshine sighed, rolled her blue eyes, and went back to the board as if nothing happened. "Alright, the next prophecy in the series was _Before there is peace, blood will spill blood, and the lake will run red._ According to GP's notes, this is one of her favorite canon prophecies due to its crypticness. Normally, a person thinks that there would just be some sort of battle, but the clever twist was that it involved _blood_, as in, cats who shared the same blood. Brambleclaw killed his own brother to save Firestar, fulfilling the prophecy. The cool thing about this prophecy was that it could have gone the other way around, and Hawkfrost could've killed Brambleclaw instead. But, since that didn't happen, Tigerstar and his son were thwarted again.

"So, rule number four: prophecies are meant to be misleading. With the blood spill blood thing, cats could've easily misinterpreted the prophecy, which is why it was such a noteworthy omen. Try making your own prophecies misleading, or appearing to have dark endings.

"Now, we come to the next generation after Firestar's children; his grandchildren. There was a prophecy the ginger tom received during his journey to restore SkyClan; _There will be three, kin of your kin, who hold the power of the stars in their paws. _It was believed that Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf were the destined three. However, Hollyleaf didn't seem to have any determinate power, and to the surprise of many, the black she-cat seemingly died in the tunnels underneath the clans.

"Next, we arrive at the second, and last, prophecy in the canon series to outright mention the names of the cats involved. _After the sharp-eyed jay and the roaring lion, peace will come . . . _This is the prophecy Jayfeather received. However, he and his brother still had no idea who the third member of the last prophecy was meant to be. It wasn't until the last part of the prophecy, _peace will come on dove's gentle wing_, was revealed that Jayfeather knew Dovewing was the third cat. Plus, there was the fact she had a power.

"Thus, rule number five should be that it is possible and can even be influential for the recipient of the prophecy to not hear the whole prophecy. Misunderstandings and such can cause a dangerous game of Telephone, and inadvertently cause the prophecy to be fulfilled. Ah, fate is so ironic.

"Anyway, the last prophecy of the series was _The end of the stars draws near. Three must become four to battle the darkness that lasts forever. _While I don't have a lot to say on this prophecy since GP didn't pertain any particular rule to this one, I would like to note that this first part was a big part in the cultivation of her series. The end of the stars could've meant the end of the clans, which is the interpretation that GP went with. Now, let's look at a complete list of all the rules and suggestions GP drew out."

**A Bunch of Rules That Sound Like Dumb Suggestions**

**1\. Prefixes and suffixes should be avoided unless the cat involved doesn't have that name yet. Example: Birdpaw is in a prophecy. The prophecy says, _The arrival of frost heralds an unseeable enemy. _When Birdpaw becomes Birdfrost, she has to find a cure to a strange disease taking hold of her clan in the middle of ****green leaf. Now, I bet that wouldn't be the conclusion you would've drawn from just looking at the prophecy, now would it?**

**2\. Prophecies can have multiple outcomes. Nothing should be set in stone. **

**3\. Never just use the Random Pool, Random Dead Cats, Random Healer, Random Dumb Words scenario. Use omens in the shape of things you find in nature so the medicine cat has to puzzle out the meaning of an object instead of a bunch of "Random Dumb Words". **

**4\. Prophecies don't have to make sense, or have one defined meaning. Make them confusing, for StarClan's sake! I would love to see a prophecy that, taken literally, can make me laugh, but in all seriousness is still morbid.**

**5\. Play a game of Telephone. Have your prophecy-recepient mishear something or not get the whole can of worms. Do this in a trollfic. Eat fish.**

**6\. DON'T MAKE SOMETHING LIKE _The shining honey will defeat the annoying fox _OKAY? OOOOOKAY!? ELEVEN!**

**7\. Okaaaaaaay?!**

**8\. We're good here?**

**9\. Okay, we're good.**

**10\. Even if the prophecy in rule number six sounds pretty awesome, you can't do it. Sorry. **

"And there you have it!" Honeyshine exclaimed, beaming at the camera. There was a crash off-stage, and the golden she-cat looked away to see Brindle trying to desperately to pummel the life out of Fox. "Um, I'm afraid that we've run out of time today, and if we don't cut off now, we might lose a hostess. Next time will be part two of Prophecies and Power, where we will discuss prophecies some more, probably, and then talk about powers. Bye bye for now!"

_Click._

**Okay, how was the episode? Do you disagree with the thing that I happened to rant about the most today? Did you think I ranted too much about the obvious prophecies I see all the time? Or do you totally agree, and want to rise up and hit random people with sticks? **

**Over here, I have a plate of those digital cookies you like so much, on this table. If you're hungry, you can have _one_, alright? Badgerkit was hungry when they came out of the oven, and ate like, half the batch, so I don't have a whole lot. **

**Now fly, my pretties fly! Write about how awesome these cookies are! Complain that I didn't give you more, and about the fact that I'm the laziest updater! Rage that this is a two-part episode because I don't feel like writing more! Share your opinions on the characters, the info, and write a story about honey and annoying foxes!***

***You don't actually have to do any of these things. :P**


	3. Prophecies and Power Part II

**-singing- I'm not a good updater, -dater, -dater. Or a dater, dater, dater. In fact I've never been to a date-er, date-er, date-er. I'll be single for ever, ever, ever. Not even a good lyric writer, writer, writer. **

**What's up my fabulous readers? Can't get enough of my (horrible) fabulous randomness? Ready to tear me apart for disappearing for like, a month, or maybe two, and then when I finally show up, I end up singing a horrible song. Like, serious me, what even. **

**Well, to appease you all, I have come up with a little contest. Winner gets to have an OC of their choice featured in an upcoming episode! What is this contest, you ask? Well, since I don't want you to miss out on the chapter, I'll put down the details at the bottom of the chapter (of course, there will be those of you who will scroll down anyways BECAUSE CURIOSITY). **

**Just as a hint, it will feature randomness. Literally.**

**REVIEW TIIIIIMEH**

**God there's so many I love you all.**

**SnowSparktheKat: It's hard to write a prophecy that isn't obvious, it's true! Sometimes, things take a little practice. I'd be glad to know I helped!**

**Birdflame: He does, doesn't he? These guys need to hire more workers on the show!**

**MortalWarriorsOfZombies: I'm glad to hear I helped! My next chapter will be about common types of "fics", and there will probably be one focused on that plot. Thanks for the suggestion!**

**Sassy: The problem with the term "Mary Sue" is that its become so over-used and bloated that almost any character can be accused of being a Sue. It's an unfortunate and difficult problem, so don't feel too bad if that's the case for some of your characters. I know that some of my characters in other stories could be considered Sues. And thanks, I tried to make the interactions between these characters enjoyable! :3**

**Sivillian: Actually, my next chapter is about common types of stories, and in the case of the Blahstar's Blah, common titles. I think it's probably a result of Super Editions in canon. I might just include Poopstar's Struggle in the next chapter, though!**

**IWalkBlindlyIntoTheShadows: Thanks! And cool, I enjoy stories where things get misinterpreted! I might just check that one out!**

**Amberfoot7 (Ch1): Mary-Sue has become a widespread term in writing, so it's important to know what it means! And hey, this is the internet! Noob is a word everywhere!**

**Amberfoot7 (Ch2): Woot, you can be my stick-hitting buddy! And that's okay that you use prefixes, it just frustrates me when I see it everywhere all the time. Dx Don't worry though, Badgerkit didn't any eat any of the cookies this time! -offers plate full of them-**

**Amberstorm233: First one - I feel like this one will involve someone with "breeze" in their name, and maybe a sickness, but otherwise I got nothing. Good job! Second one - Seems like a loner cat, someone with storm in their name, someone with sky in their name or maybe from SkyClan, and someone with night in their name will be stopping some sort of group of evil cats in the forest. I don't know, I could be wrong. These prophecies seem to be pretty obscure though, they don't reveal the entire plot, and they are pretty open to interpretation. Very good, in my book!**

**Mintie Ice (Ch1): You can still make something like this, if you want! I'm not the first, and I'm not going to be the last (I hope). Maybe, with the combined strength of many writers creating guides, we change the fandom into ****something amazing! -flails arms- Plus, if this gets popular enough, I think those who might need it will at least take a gander. It certainly feels better than doing nothing.**

**Mintie Ice (Ch2): Considering it's February now, a belated happy birthday to you! I heard about how the Erins were going to change Moonflower's name, ah well. At any rate, I won't be changing the name of one of my characters with the Moon- prefix. At least, it's not as bad as Star-!**

**Creekrunner: Hey, if you want more cookies, I prepared a lot more since last time!**

**wildspiritontheloose: Yeah, I think prophecies traditionally in fiction rhyme. I like to try that at times, as it is a bit fun for me to think entire plots in a little poem. xP**

**WingbreezeAirCat: -bows- I'm pleased to be of assistance!**

**FanficTo-A-T: -claps wildly- That was beautiful! Amazing! Fabulous! Eleven stars!**

**jazara evergreen: hah, you did all of them! xD And thanks, I couldn't resist writing about it. In a way, I get to rant while writing comedy.**

**Anova: You laughed out loud? Cool! I'm kinda like you in how it takes a lot to get me to really laugh, so I'm honored I managed that! This chapter's probably not as amusing though. Hope you enjoy, all the same!**

**KajkaElina: xD You know that's right!**

**Lightningsplash: Glad to be of service!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a lightsaber. Or Star Wars.**

**Prophecies and Power Part II**

_Whubwhubwhubwhub._

"What even is this?" Brindle asked quizzically, reaching out a paw to touch the humming, blue-white colored rod of pure energy. She gripped the holster of thing in her paw, a cylindrical device buzzed with the energy contained within. The brindle and white she-cat had mistakenly taken the odd device for one of Honeyshine's many remotes. However, after slicing the card table in half with an errant swing, it was apparent that this was not the case.

Honeyshine happened to be reviewing papers when Brindle's sudden exclamation was heard. The golden and white she-cat jerked her head up, looking at the broken card table, and widened her eyes. Turning, she only managed to see a glimpse of the glowing rod in Brindle's hand when she screamed, and proceeded to tackle the brown and white she-cat.

With a shriek, they both fell to the floor, narrowly missing cutting themselves up and the glazed-wood floors.

Pewter, who had been examining his camera, stood up straight, ears perked up, and yowled. "Hey, watch it! I've spent hours scrubbing that floor!"

"Are you saying the _floor _is the greatest thing to lose in this situation?" Brindle screamed incredulously, her usually gentle manner ripped away.

"Brindle is absolutely right!" Honeyshine hissed, wrenching the rod from the other she-cat's paws. "It would be an absolute _crime _to have you clumsily ruin my expensive, red, luxury chairs!"

"What kind of afterlife is this?" Brindle said, springing to her feet. She dusted herself off, and cast a glare at the host.

"One I don't want to live in," Fox exclaimed dryly. She eyed the device in Honeyshine dubiously. "Where in the First Life did you get that?" She swore.

"First Life?" Honeyshine exclaimed, raising a manicured brow. "No, there is no way in StarClan I would have found a lightsaber lying around in the forest when I was still alive."

"Lightsaber? That's what it's called?" Brindle asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Sounds dumb," Fox said critically. "What even is its purpose?"

"It's a weapon," Honeyshine said haughtily. "I was having trouble finding things to do when we weren't working on the show, so GP showed me some twoleg movies." She pressed a button on the lightsaber, and the rod of blue-white light disappeared. "I don't know how I left it lying around the set."

"Well," Pewter piped up, putting a paw to his chin, adopting a thoughtful look. "I remember you were swinging that thing around, saying things like "the Force is strong with this one," and "take that!" Then, Fell stole your remote, and you dropped it on your seat to go chase after her."

"I didn't want an explanation!" Honeyshine snapped, glaring at the gray tom. He shrugged unapologetically, as if he didn't care what she thought of him. Which was probably true.

"Aaaalright!" A voice exclaimed from back to the doors leading to the audience's seats that had been recently installed. It was Smokepaw, dusting off his light gray paws, and looking rather pleased with himself. "It looks like we have a live audience today!"

"Oh, really?" Honeyshine exclaimed, the debacle with the lightsaber forgotten. She bounced over to the younger tom gleefully, trying to get past him to peer through the doors and see for herself. He pushed her back, and made a shooing motion with his paws.

"Fell has them covered, so let's get this over with," Smokepaw growled. "We've got an episode to record!"

"Wait!" Fox exclaimed loudly, holding her paws up. "Where's Badgerkit?"

**Meanwhile, in the lobby of the production studio . . .**

"Yeah, as it were, I was torn apart a fox when I was four moons," the tom purred, his legs crossed as he sat in red-colored director-esque chair. In front of him were a group of captivated fans, who had apparently become obsessed with the show after only two episodes.

"Oooh, your sister must have been devastated!" A pale brown she-cat with pretty green eyes said, her paws clasped to her vaguely heart-shaped face.

Badgerkit dipped his head solemnly. "She was."

A collective group of gasps washed over him from the group, and Badgerkit gave a simpering smile.

"Will you sign my freshkill?" One in the back chirped up excitedly, holding up a half-eaten mouse. A look of horror had barely crossed Badgerkit's face when a chorus of similar requests bombarded him. The tom kit's short fur fluffed up, and he debated making a run for the stage as the excited fans began pressing in.

"Hey! Hey!" A sharp, high-pitched voice that, like Badgerkit, was distinctively youthful, spoke up. A tiny white she-cat appeared in the group, holding up her paws. The group of fans gasped, and scattered around the kit who was somehow in charge of security.

"Aw, how cute!" A voice cooed, but was suddenly silenced by a glare from Fell's unusually large, blue eyes.

"Fell?" Badgerkit said in confusion, looking at the she-kit oddly. Wasn't she supposed to be, well cute and innocent?

"Yes?" Fell said softly, looking at the black and white tom with a quirked smile.

"Um, are you alright?"

The she-cat frowned, unable to understand what Badgerkit was talking about, and then her eyes widened with sudden clarity. "Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine!" She frowned up at him. "C'mon, you fell for the 'cute kit' charade, too? We're the same age!"

Badgerkit shrugged apologetically, and jumped down from his chair. "I guess I just thought you were as . . . clueless as everyone else in StarClan. Why would you even pretend?"

"It's only for the cameras," Fell explained quickly. She turned and waved over the group of viewers. "The stage is this way!" She exclaimed loudly.

"What do you mean?"

The cluster of about half a dozen cats flocked past the two kits, into the open doors, leaving them to their conversation. Fell turned, her normally (or not normally?) soft blue eyes now piercing. "Pewter and I, we lived in Twolegplace when we were alive. We were con artists, and I learned how to put on the cutest kit face anyone up that alley had ever seen. You'll find those rogues are surprisingly amenable to giving a few scraps to an orphan kit trying scratch a living." Her voice took on a squeaky, innocent tone, her eyes shimmering. Just as quickly though, it disappeared when she finished speaking, and she looked at Badgerkit grimly. "We died from sickness and starvation during leaf-bare."

"That's awful!" Badgerkit said softly.

"Yeah," Fell said, turning away. "I heard about how you were killed by a fox in front of your sister."

"That's true," Badgerkit said. "But my life was luxurious compared to yours! And I died before I even knew what happened!" The black and white tom sighed. And to think, he had been so jealous and resentful of Bracken for getting to live on while he was stuck eternally as a kit.

"Don't stress yourself," Fell said, flicking her tail over his ear. "Anyway, Pewter and I continued to be opportunists in the afterlife, wandering the sky paths, until we found StarClan, and tried to eke out a living, er, afterliving." She smiled somberly. "It would be nice to experience luxury before we faded, we figured. And by assuming my normal cute roll, we can get the sympathy of the crowd, and when we slip in how we can barely get by with our payment, the fans will press to have our salary raised! 'Anything to make that poor little kit happy!'"

"Wow," Badgerkit breathed. "You guys seem to have all that figured out." He looked down at his paws. "I've never thought about what I want to do with my afterlife. Probably because my StarClan is so different than this one. And I never remember my visits here, so I suppose I will continue to never wonder."

"Even so, I'll imagine you'll find your niche," Fell conceded. She tilted her head towards the stage. "Let's go, Honeyshine si probably freaking out about us not being up there."

"Oh, yeah, right!" Badgerkit exclaimed, his eyes widening in horror at the thought.

Fell purred, and bound after their first audience. "Don't dawdle, then!"

The two kits raced down the aisle, skirting around the group of eager cats who had come to watch the third episode.

"Just imagine," Badgerkit heard one of them say to another. "If this becomes really successful, we'll be like, famous for being two of only six in the first audience!"

Badgerkit tilted his head. He'd never considered the prospect that this show that Honeyshine and the two leg GP were making would actually become popular. Who wanted to listen to cats spew stuff to twolegs about writing stories about cats? Then again, this was the StarClan where Honeyshine existed . . .

"There you are!" Honeyshine exclaimed, overjoyed as the two kits bound up onto the stage. She motioned hurriedly towards Badgerkit's seat. "Quickly, we're on air in a few seconds!"

_Why in the world didn't you wait for me? _Badgerkit wondered, hopping onto the plush red seat as Pewter held up three finger, er, toes.

"And we're live in three . . . two . . . one!" Pewter exclaimed, the red light on his camera flashing as he turned it toward Honeyshine's beaming face.

"Welcome, everyone, to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction, where today we will be concluding our second topic on the show: Prophecies and Power!"

"And what power are we exactly talking about?" Fox queried, her eyes narrowed.

"Not the confusing force of energy from your world, that's for sure!" Honeyshine replied haughtily.

"Well, it's not my fault GP just makes stuff up as she goes along with the story!"

"Hey!" The twoleg exclaimed from backstage.

Honeyshine grinned. "And that makes an excellent point to start off some rules today!"

She bound off of her seat, and towards the all-powerful whiteboard that awaited her.

"Here we go again," Smokepaw grumbled. "Can I least have that lightsaber to swing around while you lecture the audience to death?"

"Tell me about it," Fox concurred with a soft growl.

Their grumpy posture earned a few chuckles from the group of cats sitting in the first row. Honeyshine cast a glare in the direction of her co-hosts, but quickly changed her expression to a winning smile as she looked down on the audience.

"Alright, first off, we ought to acknowledge that powers cannot be limitless. Unless you are making a troll-fic, you want some basic guidelines," Honeyshine rambled, taking out a thick black whiteboard marker and scrawling up on the board beside her.

**1\. Give your powers limits, or restraints.**

"An easy example of this would be using the powers would drain you, or result in pain if used too much," Honeyshine exclaimed.

Brindle sat up abruptly, her tip of her brown tabby and white tail cocked upwards. "Like, for example, in the Gray World, being able to use Power takes a lot of dedication, training, and focus! A mage can't defend their body while using Power!"

Fox nodded. "They are very vulnerable once you get close to them."

"Fascinating," Honeyshine said dryly. She spun on her heel, and raised her marker. "Rule number two!"

**2\. Make sure your audience actually knows how the powers work and it doesn't seem like you are making things up as you go along, if possible.**

"This should be pretty easy to follow, unless your name is GP," Honeyshine said with a smirk.

"Again, hey!" The twoleg exclaimed. "No one is perfect!"

A chorus of chuckles sounded from the co-hosts, and Honeyshine smirked. "Alright, moving on!" She turned to the audience, albeit small. Pewter panned his camera over to follow her line of sight, and focused in on the six very excited-looking cats.

"We're on TV!" One of them squealed in a harsh whisper, grabbing their neighbor's foreleg.

"As some of you may have noticed, we have our first audience today!" Honeyshine exclaimed proudly, puffing out her chest. "And for the next thing, I'll need a volunteer!"

Seven paws shot in the air. Honeyshine frowned at the one brown she-cat who had both paws waving up in the air, her eyes sparkling excitedly. "Pick me! Pick me!" She chirped.

Honeyshine resisted the urge to facepalm. She made a show of looking over the cats, the brown she-cat continuing to say "Pickmepickmepickmepleeeeasepickme!" Then, with a grand gesture, Honeyshine pointed her paw at the brown she-cat. "How about . . . you?"

"Yes!" The she-cat shrieked, throwing herself onto the stage, and on top of Honeyshine's feet. "My nails!" The she-cat shrieked, dancing away from the ecstatic she-cat.

"Finally!" She screamed, scrambling forward and bowing down before Honeyshine. "Oh, thankyouthankyouthankyou, how can I ever repay you?"

"Maybe by giving me some space?" Honeyshine hissed, skirting around the cat. The brown and white she-cat sat up, the lights overhead showing that her eyes were a pale, leafy green. Badgerkit realized with a twinge that the she-cat was the one who had been talking to him earlier. Next to Honeyshine, she seemed much smaller than the posh golden and white she-cat.

Dusting herself off, Honeyshine sighed, and attempted to regain composure. "Alright, seeing as you are our first volunteer on the show, could you please tell us your name?"

"Beepaw!" The brown and white she-cat purred. "But everyone calls me Buzz!"

"I wonder why," a certain ginger and white she-cat said from over by the chairs, rolling her sharp, green eyes.

"Alright, Buzz, welcome to the show!" Honeyshine purred, escorting the she-cat to the left of the stage. Pulling a remote from seemingly nowhere, a hole opened up in the floor, and a white plush chair appeared. "Sit down," Honeyshine implored.

The brown she-cat, who had been admiring the finish on the wood floors beneath her, looked up at the chair. "Um, if that's alright, I would like to stay standing!" She bounced up and down in place. "I just can't sit still, I'm so excited!"

"Totally didn't get that idea earlier," Honeyshine sighed with resignation. "Alright, you will be assisting me on today's episode, okay, Buzz?"

"Yay!" The brown and white she-cat squealed.

"Okay . . ." Honeyshine said, trying to sound cheerful as she looked around for her notecards. Ugh, she couldn't wait until this episode was over. "Here they are!" The golden and white she-cat exclaimed, picking up the stack of cards from where they had been sitting next to the whiteboard. "First, Buzz, could you help tell the audience which three cats in the known series had powers."

Buzz twirled in a circle. "That's eeeaaasy!" She said. "Jay-Jay, Lion-Stu, and uh, that one she-cat . . ."

"Her name's Dovewing," Honeyshine said, rubbing her temples. "And it's Jayfeather and Lionblaze, not whatever you just said."

"I liked Ivypool better," Buzz said with a frown. "And Hollyleaf, for that matter. Why didn't either of them have powers?"

Honeyshine sighed. "It's not like twolegs decided who had powers and who didn't!"

"Actually . . ." GP's voice drifted out from backstage.

"Shut up," Honeyshine snarled, turning her head to the back. "I would rather not know, thank you!"

"Well, if they did," Buzz continued, ignoring Honeyshine's last remark. "Those twolegs are dumb."

A chuckle was heard backstage, mostly likely the twoleg writer.

"Aaaaaaanyway," Honeyshine said loudly, cutting off any further speculation from Buzz. "What did the Three all have in common when it came to their powers?"

Buzz blinked. "Uh, they were Ancients."

"That's true, but I was thinking about how they were specific," Honeyshine explained. "Jayfeather can walk in others' dreams, Lionblaze is invincible—well, maybe that one's not so specific—and Dovewing has enhanced hearing and sight."

"And in Starkit's Prophecy, Hollyleaf was a shape-**bleep**er!" Buzz exclaimed loudly.

"Buzz, this is supposed to be a family friendly show!" Honeyshine protested. She turned towards Pewter. "Bleep that out, okay?" The tom gave her a thumps-up. She smiled weakly, and turned towards Buzz. "It's actually "shape-shifter", and Starkit's Prophecy isn't canon. For many, many reasons."

Buzz shrugged. "Sorry, but that's the way the story was written. Although, it would be pretty weird to poop out weirdly shaped waste."

Somewhere, out there, in the big, wide world, a kit giggled, and said, "She said 'poop'!"

"Additional rules!" Honeyshine screeched, really regretting her choice to chose Buzz as her assistant. She hurriedly moved towards the whiteboard. "Buzz, can you think of a basic rule to naming a cat who's going to be revealed to have a power later?"

Buzz frowned. "Don't give them a dumb name?"

"Sorta," Honeyshine said, tilting her head. "But really, don't make it obvious!"

**3\. Don't give a cat with powers an obvious name that blatantly reveals what sort of powers they have. **

**"Unless it's like, magical clans that all have powers and someone can guess what powers kits will have. Otherwise, no. Powers don't think. They aren't going to conveniently align themselves with something as trivial as a _name_. And no, StarClan isn't going to bend themselves over if they are giving out powers and match whatever thing a queen decides would be a fabulous name (if it's really important, they'll just send the queen a dream, although I'd never understand why it would be important). Although, Buzz is right, it's probably stupid to name them something like Sneezekit and Fuzzkit," **Honeyshine said from her notecard as she wrote the third rule. "Note," she added. "These are GP's words, not mine. Although I agree, Sneezekit would be a horrible name to be stuck with. Imagine what powers that kit would have if it had something to do with their name!

"By the way, GP, you are a total hypocrite when it comes to the names of your own cats with powers!" She said more loudly. She frowned at the cards. "Wait, why is Buzz's name on here when you shouldn't have even known—"

"I'm rather lazy when it comes to thinking them up," GP's voice conceded quickly, interrupting Honeyshine. "Powers, that is."

"My name was in the card!" Buzz squealed.

"Oh, you're hopeless," Honeyshine sighed. "Moving on."

**4\. Think about the reason your characters have powers. Where did they come from? Why do they exist?**

"There are several reasons that I know of to explain powers," Honeyshine said. She looked down at her next notecard.

**4a. StarClan is a convenient and canon choice. Probably for some random prophecy, or whatever.**

"If you are writing a more canon-ish story, you should look to StarClan to give your kitties powers!" Honeyshine said. "Keep in mind though, they don't give them willy-nilly. Usually, they are to help characters accomplish some important prophecy. Out of the original series, only three cats had actual powers!"

"I wish I could have had powers when I was alive," Buzz mewed. "I would have been an awesome protagonist!"

"Certainly, a unique one," Honeyshine sighed, raising a brow.

**4b. Some kind of weird evolution. Or radiation. People always explain their winged characters away with that stuff, and although I would like to argue with this option, this is a story about talking cats. And dead spirit cats. That sit around and stare into pools. And cats somehow being able to apply leaves and stuff to heal wounds. **

"Winged cats? Cool!" Buzz squeaked.

"Hmm, wings. Perhaps a future fashion?" Honeyshine said, stepping away from the board and looking thoughtful.

"I would _so _buy that!" Buzz admitted excitedly, nodding eagerly.

"If I weren't so busy airing this show, I would make a line myself!" Honeyshine exclaimed.

"Fascinating," Fox said from her chair. "Do we have a purpose anymore, or are you just going to do the rest of the episode with her?"

"If you keep up that attitude, I just might!" Honeyshine hissed, putting her paws on her hips.

"Fine," Fox said, hopping off her chair. "If you need me, I'll be backstage at the refreshment stand."

"Can I join you?" Smokepaw exclaimed, his head jerking up from where it had been resting on his paws. He jumped down after her, and two disappeared around the curtain separating the front of the stage from the back. Badgerkit moved as if he were to join them, but froze at Buzz's excited shriek.

"Oh hey, I was just talking to you in the lobby!" She exclaimed, bouncing over. "Remember me? My name's Beepaw, but you can call me Buzz! It's so cool to be up here with you!" The brown she-cat continued to chat-up the tom kit, and Honeyshine made a curious growling sound from where she was alone at the left of the stage.

"Alright, fine, I'll just finish this on my own!" She declared. Turning towards the board, she wrote down 4c.

**4c. Invent your own explanation, like I did. I explained Power as being a force from another world called Gray World. There was a rip in the space-time continuum, or something, and Earth and Gray have been linked for almost as long as they've both existed. However, the rip has been widening, and more Power has been seeping into Earth, which lead to the creation of the spirit groups in the sky paths, cats with Power on Earth's surface, and so on. Get creative!**

"There's a couple options when you write a Warriors fanfiction," Honeyshine said, ignoring the rise and fall of Buzz's heavily one-sided conversation on the other end of the stage. "I like to call the concept Nature vs. Magic, and it might be explained in another episode! However, when it comes to powers, I like to split things into two certain groups."

She erased everything she had written on the board so far, and put down two words.

**Specific **and **Force**.

"You are probably wondering what I'm talking about," Honeyshine mewed. "Well, 'Specific' represents the canon idea of powers. In this, powers are specific and designated. Most stories with powers use this. Basically, it's like what you think of when you hear the word 'superpowers'. They are clear, limited to a certain thing, and may or may not have a limit and/or consequence. The fact that they are specific is enough to be a limitation. For example, x-ray vision, or invisibility, or things the Three did in canon.

"However, there is also the "Force" concept, which is like magic. Everyone who can use this force are able to do multiple things with this force of magic, or Power. Common limitations involve a lot of studying to use the force to do more, powerful things, or leaving the body vulnerable while you are using it. Perhaps even causes pain."

Suddenly, there was a blur of brown-striped, and white fur. Honeyshine scrambled away from the two grappling cats, and watched in confusion as Brindle suddenly wrenched free of her opposer, a frosting-caked pastry locked in her jaws. "Mihe!" She exclaimed through her prize.

The glint of desire did not leave Buzz's eyes, and the she-cat's paws darted upwards to lock onto the delicate sweet. Brindle hissed, and pulled away, getting a few feet before the other cat tackled her.

"Hey!" Another voice exclaimed, and Fox came streaking into the view of the camera. She roughly slammed into Brindle, yanking her free of Buzz's grasp. "That's mine, thank you very much!"

"But Badgerkit signed it!" Buzz protested, getting to her feet.

"After he snatched it out of my paws!" Fox retorted. She pulled the pastry free, and with a snap of her jaws, it disappeared down her jaws. Her eyes became half-lidded with pleasure. "Stars, the taste of things makes this job almost worth it."

"No!" Buzz protested, her ears flattening. "That was supposed to be mine!"

"Why don't you just ask your little tomfrie—ack!" Fox's taunt was abruptly cut off when the brown and white she-cat launched herself at her with a cry of rage. All three she-cats, Brindle included, fell off the stage onto the audience below.

Hoenyshine rushed to the edge, her eyes round with horror. "Oh, StarClan, quick—Pewter, Fell—stop them! Oh, **bleep**—_StarClan_—no, wait, guys, come back! _Pewter, _they're coming your way—the camer—!"

Static fills the screen and then darkness. When the light came back, it showed Pewter's wide, yellow eyes, filled with relief. He sighed, and turned to some cat off-screen. "It's still working, don't worry!" He turned down to look at the camera. "StarClan, at the rate these fights are occurring, this studio will be in shambles before half of the season is finished!"

**You have no idea, Pewter. **

**You have no idea.**

**Ooookay, contest! Simple! Like I said earlier, the winner gets to have an OC featured! How do you win, you ask? Well, the first person to answer this multiple choice question gets the prize! **

**Which of these random statements have I actually said in real life as part of a conversation? (Note: some of these might have been things other people I know said, or similar to things I said in real life!)**

**a. Zipping up your back-pack! Zipping up your back-pack! -moves the zipper on another person's backpack up and down repeatedly- (it's a little song, and the beat is like this: 1 &amp; 2, &amp; 3, 4, 1 &amp; 2 &amp; 3, 4)**

**b. I have seen the world, and the world is orange. -holds up an orange with a serious face-**

**c. One day, Dark Green Stick and I will be reunited, and the world will explode in cheeseballs!**

**d. I'm going to disguise myself as a pencil! -flops on top of a desk-**

**Good luck! **

**Note: I would advise against trying any cheating, like, for instance, using multiple guest accounts until you guess correctly. If you do, I will know, and I will send Fox to eat all the pastries in your home. _You have been . . . warned! _-cue dramatic music-**

**Results will be in the next chapter! Also, the next chapter will be called Romancefics, Randomfics, and Trollfics, Oh My! As you might guess, it will be about certain groups of fics in the Warriors fanfiction section I see often. See you then, my readers and reviewers!**


	4. Romance, Randomness, and Trolls, Oh My!

**-looks up at story statistics- Hmm, so it appears that the last time I updated this story was February 15th. And today is October 25th. Well then. **

**I bet you're all wondering where I went, in any case. To be honest, I went on vacation, came back, wrote this chapter, lost it, lost my muse, and ran off into the role-playing world for what has been essentially three-fourths of a year. I think I can handle writing this sort of thing again now, so here I am. Please don't kill me.**

**Anyway, I'm sure the most pressing question on your minds was the answer to the contest. Well, it was "C", and anyone who guessed correctly can PM me their OC. Now, for the origins of each phrase I stated:**

**1\. The Zipping up your Backpack! Song: This was actually a song that my sister sang on the bus one day in an effort to annoy me. I think she's forgotten about it by now, so I'll do my best to remind her of it. -rubs hands together evilly-**

**2\. Something I Did With an Orange: So, the quote I used was, "I have seen the world and the world is orange," when actually, it was, "I have seen the world and the world is ugly." I was still holding an orange, though. It just wasn't pretty. **

**3\. Dark Green Stick, and the Exploding Cheeseballs: So, this was the correct answer. Yeah. Anyway, the story behind it is, I was in curling last year. It's an ice sport, you can google it. Anyway, the curling club provided sweeping sticks for us to use, and they had various colors on the ends. They looked kinda like those fancy modern cleaning brooms. Anyway, there were a lot of pink, light green, orange, and gray ones, but only ONE dark green one. Obviously, I ended up using it for the first few practices, and then other people who showed up before me started taking the stick to use. In my annoyance, I turned to my sister, and said, "One day, Dark Green Stick and I will be reunited, and the world will explode in cheeseballs!" And no, no cheeseballs were to be had when I finally got to use it again. **

**4\. A Poor Disguise - So, for whatever reason, a friend of mine up and decided to disguise himself as random classroom objects (obviously, because he's dumb and he wanted attention). Our homeroom teacher failed to be amused. **

**Okay, now that that's out of the way, time for some hopefully hilarious and educational writing!**

**Episode Four: Romancefics, Randomfics, and Trollfics, Oh My!**

"Heeeeeey there!" Honeyshine gushed, her face taking up the entire camera screen. Finally, the gold and white she-cat pulled back, revealing the newly renovated stage and seating area. "Since our writer went on strike, we've taken the time to spruce things up," Honeyshine explained. "The audience seats are now proper plush theater seats, rather than the plastic collapsible ones we'd been using before. Oh, and we got new curtains; cherry red, to match our host seats!"

Speaking of the circle of red chairs on stage, there were currently three of them being occupied. Smokepaw was finagling with one of the remotes while Brindle leaned to look over his shoulder at what he was doing. In another chair, Fox was dozing off, her head lolled to the side. Except for them, and Honeyshine, the building looked empty.

"Today is a special episode, so there isn't any live audience," Honeyshine said, padding over to the stage. Hopping on to it, she turned and looked at the camera dramatically. "We are going on a field trip!"

"Yay," Smokepaw said flatly, not looking up from the remote. Honeyshine turned and frowned at him. "Give me that!" she hissed, snatching the remote from him.

"Alright, so today, our focus is popular kinds of stories found in Warriors fanfiction. GP has designed some stories she thinks accurately represents each genre, or at least the more commonly found stories in each genre. So, what we're doing is hopping into each story—with the help of my trusty remote—to outline the elements of their genre! First up, the romance genre!"

Honeyshine held up the remote. "Hold on to your butts everybody!"

She pressed a button.

Suddenly, the camera was no longer staring at the stage, but seemingly peering through a thick mess of leaves. Insects could be heard chirping, as well as water running. Either the group was now in the grossest bathroom ever, or they were in a forest. Suddenly, a voice sounding very much like Honeyshine hissed, "Pewter! Get the camera into position!"

"Oh, sorry!" An unidentified cat exclaimed. "I've just gotten rusty because of all the vacation time I had." The camera was abruptly jerked up from the forest floor, and angled to look through a break in some bushes the cats were all hiding behind. The camera showed a quiet clearing, ringed by trees. A large moon, almost full, shown from above, making the small stream that ran through the center of the clearing look like molten silver.

"How pretty," Pewter's disembodied voice said. "I wish I'd brought my regular camera so I could take a—"

"Shh!" Honeyshine hissed. "Someone's coming!" She pulled a notepad up from seemingly nowhere and began scribbling notes furiously.

Sure enough, the bushes on the far side of the clearing began to rustle. Out stepped a pretty silver tabby she-cat, her beauteous blue eyes round with uncertainty. She looked back over her shoulder, as if she was worried that someone might be following her. Then, she bound over to where the stream cut into the clearing. "Stormheart," she whispered with intensity. "Stormheart?"

Near where the group was hiding, a handsome, muscular tom with pale gray fur padded out from the shadows. "Rainshadow!" the tom said with obvious relief. "I was worried you might never come!" The she-cat purred with delight, and sprang across the stream so she could nuzzle the tom.

"Notice their obvious beauty," Honeyshine exclaimed, tapping the first point she had written down on her notepad. "In many cases, the romance story is told from a female character's point of view. They often talk about how insignificant and average they look, but they're still pretty to everyone else. Keep this in mind."

"I got delayed because Finchpelt was trying to ask me to walk with him," Rainshadow was saying. Stormheart growled. "That tom needs to get lost." He lashed his tail in annoyance.

"He really likes me . . ." Rainshadow exclaimed, her voice trailing off.

If he could, Stormheart would have raised an eyebrow. "You're not trying to defend him, are you?"

"No," Rainshadow said quickly. She pressed her face against his chest. "Besides, I love _you_."

Stormheart smiled down at her, until a thought crossed his mind, and he frowned. "What do you think would happen if our clans found out?"

"Oh, Stormheart," Rainshadow exclaimed, burying her face in his fur. She let out a loud sob, and then pulled away abruptly. "That's why I came to talk to you. You see, I'm pregnant!"

Stormheart's eyes widened in shock, and then his eyes grew soft with a warm glow. "Oh, Rainshadow, I'm so happy." He tried to lick her cheek, but she pulled away.

"Stormheart . . . they aren't yours."

Stormheart's jaw dropped. "What do you mean?" His brow furrowed. "You don't mean to tell me that Finch—"

"No!" Rainshadow said quickly, shaking her head. "They're your brother's, Duskfire!"

"_What_?"

"Rainshadow?" Suddenly, a dark tom appeared, muscles rippling under his pelt as he regarded the pair with burning amber eyes. "Stormheart, what are you doing he—"

"You!" Stormheart hissed. "Why, I oughta—"

"Stormheart? Stormheart!" Another she-cat suddenly appeared, coming from behind Duskfire. She stopped in her tracks and looked from Rainshadow to Stormheart in shock. "What are you doing with a ThunderClan cat?" she exclaimed in an accusatory tone. The tortoiseshell she-cat looked dismayed.

Rainshadow jutted her chin out. "Stormheart never wanted to be with you, Leafblaze! But of course, you are two thick-skulled to—"

"Rainshadow! Finchpelt told me you went for a walk, and we were worried so—" _Two more _she-cats appeared, this time from where Rainshadow had come from. They both stopped in their tracks when they noticed Stormheart, Duskfire, and Leafblaze. Suddenly, they both yelled at the same time:

"Duskfire!"

"Stormheart!"

Rainshadow looked in shock at her best friend, Breezefoot, who ran over to press against Duskfire anxiously. Then, she turned in equal bewilderment, to see her sister Silverflight looking at Stormheart.

"Hey guys, wait up!" Another voice called. This time, it was a light brown and white tom who appeared, obviously Finchpelt. He looked at the gathered cats uncertainly, and then turned towards Rainshadow quizzically. "Um, what in the world is going on?"

"I think I would like an explanation, too!" Rainshadow said, glaring at the other cats. Duskfire and Breezefoot looked at each other for a moment, and then Duskfire turned towards Rainshadow. "Sorry, Rainshadow, I love both you and Breezefoot."

"And I've loved Silverflight, and Leafblaze for some time now," Stormheart admitted.

Rainshadow bowed her head. "And I must admit, while having feelings for both you and Duskfire, I feel for Finchpelt, too."

"You guys are messed up!" Finchpelt exclaimed, aghast. He turned on tail. "I'm outta here!"

Leafblaze looked up at Stormheart, glaring. "Wait up, Finchpelt, I think I'm leaving too!" The tortoiseshell turned and ran to catch up with Finchpelt. The two twined tails, and with heads held high, left the clearing in a huff.

Rainshadow turned around, and saw Stormheart, and Silverflight, as well as Duskfire, and Breezefoot, making a break for it. "Wait guys, don't leave me!" The silver tabby cried. They did anyway, and the she-cat collapsed in the grass, sobbing.

"Ooookaaaay, that wasn't like any romance story I've ever seen," Honeyshine exclaimed, ear twitching. "Anyway, here's GP's notes:

**Common Romancefic Tropes:**

**1\. The female thinks she's ugly, when really, she's pretty**

**2\. Multiple males vy for the female main character's favor, whether or not she's interested in them**

**3\. A common dynamic: Male 1 is in the same clan as Main Character. Male 1 is a friend of Main Character or otherwise insignificant. Male 2 is from another Clan. Main Character falls in love with Male 2. Has Male 2's kits. Meanwhile, Male 1 is trying to court Main Character, and when Main Character has kits, she pretends to be his mate to cover for the kits. This is messed-up, guys. **

**4\. Someone dies. This must happen. For dramaz. Preferably more than one person dies. One of the main characters die. The kits die. EVERYONE DIEEES.**

**5\. Love Dodecahedron. I have no idea why. **

**How to Make a Good Romancefic (that is, make a story who's sole focus is romance):**

**1\. Don't.**

"Alright, next!" Honeyshine exclaimed, pressing a button on her remote.

The group was now standing in the daylight next to a lake. It could be recognized as the lake in the center of the four clans' latest home. The clans were currently gathered around the lake, and—to describe the unfolding scene simply—it was chaos. Cats were running around screaming and throwing candy, someone was flying around on a gigantic paper airplane, the kits were organizing a mutiny on the docks by ordering the clan leaders to "walk the plank," a circle of cats dressed in ominous robes were worshipping a waffle on a pedestal, and in the center of the lake, a giant squid was breaching. The massive creature flew into the air, tentacles flailing in slow motion.

"Quick!" Honeyshine shrieked. "Get a close-up on that thing!" The camera zoomed in, and on top of the squid, one could see what was apparently Mistystar shrieking, "Release the kraken!" The kraken obliged, and flew out over the beach to flop down on the unsuspecting members of ThunderClan. At least, the ones that weren't anywhere else.

"What on Earth is happening?" Fox exclaimed in bewilderment.

"We're in the middle of a randomfic, also known as a crackfic!" Honeyshine said cheerfully, snapping pictures with a camera she suddenly had now in her paws. "Isn't it great?" A swarm of giant tacos raced by, herded forward by their natural predators, the giant floating wigs. Honeyshine took another picture.

"NO," Fox hissed, snatching Honeyshine's notepad from her. The she-cat didn't even notice, as she was currently enamored with the RiverClan cats doing a synchronized swimming competition in the lake.

"Alright, let's read this thing off quickly so we can go somewhere else!"

**Common Random/Crackfic Tropes:**

**1\. The four Clans start going crazy for a reason explained at the beginning of the story OR**

**2\. A Clan with a crazy name does crazy things**

**3\. The story is undeniably amusing at first HOWEVER**

**4\. After a bazillion chapters, it gets predictable and boring**

**5\. It's a show. And the cats are crazy. Yes, GP is using a common tro—LE GASP, A UNICORN, LOOK!**

**How to Make a Good Random/Crackfic:**

**1\. BE ORIGINAL! You don't have to copy the formula that certain, extremely popular stories use. Make your own, new popular thing that gets a ton of copy-cats (pun intended).**

**2\. If you do use one of the tropes I stated, switch things up! I intended for this to be a guide, but made it a show in addition, so I would get more attention, and hopefully the number of good quality stories would go up because people are reading this. Like you. You're reading this sentence. Reading. Right now. -stares intensely at you-**

**3\. Throw in a plot to keep readers interested. Is Starstar ever going to find the perfect mate? Will Yellowfang's show make it big? Are GP's characters going to rebel because they don't like being characters?**

**4\. Break the fourth wall. All the time. **

**5\. Irony.**

**6\. Criticize yourself, the Erins, or common tropes for the sake of humor. **

**7\. Don't go too crazy.**

"Maybe we _should _get out of here," Honeyshine murmured when a flock of angry Canadian geese suddenly descended from the sky. There was nothing else particularly special about them, because they were _geese_, you guys. The cats circling the waffle held it up so it would protect them from the velociraptor birds. Hastily, Honeyshine pulled out her remote and pressed a button.

Now, the group was hiding in the bushes circling some unidentified Clan camp. The clan leader was perched on his clan leader rock, doing clan leader things. The deputy was bossing people around, and the medicine cat was healing someone. Cats milled about, queens scolded kits, and apprentices whined while doing chores. It was a perfectly average day.

Then, suddenly, a completely normal white she-cat stumbled out of the apprentice den. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and stared at her.

"Ugh, how ugly!"

"I hate her with the intensity of a million suns!"

"I've never met you in my life, but suddenly, it feels like disgust-at-first-sight!"

The white she-cat bowed her head, ashamed at all of the vitriol her clanmates were throwing at her. Meekly, she dashed over to the fresh-kill pile to get something to eat. Some of the other apprentices gathered around the pile glared at her. "You don't deserve any food!" one of them spat.

"A she-cat as ugly as you doesn't deserve to live!" one of the others added.

"Snowpaw, I disown you! Streampaw is my only sister now!" another she-cat exclaimed. She was as white and average as Snowpaw was, yet, for some reason, no one hated her.

The white she-cat wailed, and turned away, running back into the apprentice's den. "Everyone hates me!" she sobbed to herself. "My mother and father were disgusted with me when I was born, my siblings don't want to associate with me, the leader didn't want to make me an apprentice, and everyone else is perfectly happy to hate me! Why was I ever born, StarClan?"

Honeyshine sighed solemnly. "Ah, 'tis the tired tale of the tearful tragicfic. Trope-full, but true."

"What are you on about?" Fox growled.

"Speed up! Skip! Skip! Skip!" Honeyshine suddenly had her remote out, and was pressing the fast forward button. Apparently the remote actually had one, although it was no normal remote. Down in the camp, the cats suddenly began to move faster and faster, becoming blurs. They were all cat-Flashes. Overhead, the sun and the moon and the stars began to spin around erratically. Finally, Honeyshine clicked pause. The remote had that button, too.

Snow was now on the ground, and in the center of camp, a small, young, black tom lay dead. Someone sobbed.

"A fox got him," the tom's mentor said sadly. "Grasspaw died defending Snowpaw's life."

"Dumb decision, if you asked me," another cat muttered.

"No!" Snowpaw wailed. She collapsed next to Grasspaw's body. "He was the only one in the whole clan who liked me!"

"He certainly paid for it," someone said darkly. Many cats shot glares at Snowpaw. The medicine cat sighed, and nudged Snowpaw away from the others. "Come on, you need patching up." The she-cat had slashes all over from the harrowing battle with the fox. Everyone began to disperse, and as the medicine cat dressed Snowpaw's wounds, her eyes suddenly started to glow. She spoke, saying, _"The falling snow shall smother the darkness. This prophecy is totally not obvious at all."_

"What could it mean?" Snowpaw said as the medicine cat sent her off to the apprentice den.

"SKIP! SKIP! SKIP!'

Now, there was a battle taking place in the camp. The Clan had been taken completely by surprise, and the swarm of rogues and traitors seemed to have the upper hand.

"I brought reinforcements!" A voice cried. Bursting through the tunnel was the young warrior, Snowfall. She had ran to the other clans for help, knowing the battle was going to happen despite no one here believing her. The reinforcements quickly overwhelmed the evil cats, but not before they took Snowpaw's leader's last life. That night, for her bravery, Snowfall was named the new deputy.

That wasn't the end of Snowfall's struggles, as the cats could see through Honeyshine's multiple "SKIP!"s. Her siblings died soon after forgiving her, her mate died soon after she became pregnant, and her kits died soon after they were born. The she-cat was thoroughly shattered by the time she became Snowstar, leader of the clan that once hated her for no reason. And somehow, she was perfectly okay with this.

"The end!" Honeyshine exclaimed happily, shedding a tear.

**Common Tragedyfic Tropes**

**1\. The main character deals with a lot of hate. Like, internet tub-fulls of hate.**

**2\. Her (she's often a she) family hates her.**

**3\. She's got a disfigurement, is different, or even worse, she's perfectly normal and everyone hates her for no reason.**

**4\. One cat does like the main character, but they end up dying. They always do. **

**5\. They're often hated from birth. **

**6\. They somehow don't go crazy from all the mental/physical abuse. Or try to run away. I certainly would.**

**7\. People the main character cares about end up dying. **

**8\. They end up being leader/saving the world/something awesome in the end.**

**9\. The title is "Blahstar's Blah" because spoilers. **

**How to Make a Good Tragedyfic **

**1\. Don't have the title be "Blahstar's Blah"**

**2\. If you absolutely have to have everyone hate the main character, at least have it make some freaking sense. Like, make them get fed up and run away, or something. **

**3\. You know what, be original. Do something that isn't related at all to the story I just told up there. Sad stories involving drama and death can be about something else other than a cat getting kicked around from birth that ends up being leader in the end. **

**4\. Please, please, PLEASE don't make it so everyone hates the main character. Interesting stories can happen without that crap, and it's such an overdone trope. **

**5\. Don't overdo it. **

"Alright, next genre!" Honeyshine said. She clicked another button.

Once again, they were look at a camp clearing. Once again, it seemed perfectly normal. Until, once again, a she-cat appeared. However, this she-cat came from the nursery, and her fur was a radiant rainbow color. And this time, when everyone stared at her, they shouted their praise.

"Oh, she's like nothing I've ever seen!"

"I think I'm in love! With a kit!"

"StarClan has blessed us!"

Rainbowkit beamed at her clanmates, and turned towards the clan rock. On top of it was the clan leader, who was looking at Rainbowkit with awe and intrigue. "Everyone! Gather under my big rock for a clan meeting!" Everyone did as he said.

"Rainbowkit, step forward!" The she-cat padded forward uncertainly, color-changing eyes wide.

"From this day forth, you will be known as Rainbowstar! I am stepping down as clan leader, for I know that you will be a much better leader than I ever could be."

"OMG YEYA!1!1" The she-cat yelled, bouncing around. Everyone cheered.

"Rainbowstar! Rainbowstar! Rainbowstar!" They cheered.

"Ooookay, I think we all know what kind of story this is," Honeyshine said. She flipped through her notes.

**Common Trollfic Tropes**

**1\. Elements are gleaned from the crown jewel of trollfics, Starkit's Prophecy**

**2\. Spelling and grammar is atrocious**

**3\. The main character is unusually colored/has a strange appearance**

**4\. The main character is uber-powerful**

**5\. If the main character ever dies, they come back to life, even if they aren't a leader**

**6\. Everyone else loves the main character, and if they don't they are evil**

**7\. The main character is a stereotypical and blatantly obvious Mary-Sue**

**8\. The main character is destined to save the clans**

**9\. The main character has multiple mates/love interests**

**10\. The main character often becomes a warrior/leader at an unusually young age**

**How to Make a Good Trollfic**

**1\. Use proper spelling and grammar**

**2\. Don't make a new account and pretend to be serious about it; make one on your account instead**

**3\. Don't overdo the ridiculous nature; it will otherwise become as boring as a repetitive Randomfic**

**4\. Be original, if you want to attract readers**

"Woo! Okay guys, let's head back to the studio!"

Smokepaw peered over Honeyshine's shoulder. "Hey, what does that button do?" He was pointed at one called "Spoilerstar's Predictable Story." Honeyshine hissed and snatched the remote away from him. "We already covered that!"

However, the remote was now within reach of Brindle, who, being as curious as she was, pressed the button.

A few moments later, the group was—

"Huh."

"Well, this isn't so bad."

"I don't know, it's kinda boring."

"Boring?"

"Yeah, it's like, everything is so predic—"

"Oh my God, what _is _that?"

"What is what? Oh **bleep**!"

"BACK! BACK! BACK!"

"WHERE'S THE SKIP BUTTON?"

Pewter, inconspicuously detached from the rest of the group, held up his camera with a big grin on his face as he recorded the others fleeing from an angry pack of velociraptors.

**Aaaaand that's a wrap. Apologies if I was sounding a bit more sharp-tongued in this chapter; some of these genres annoy me to the extremes. **

**Anyway, I'm sure some of you are wondering about the status of my other stories. To be honest, I'm considering rewriting some of them. Turn Away and Endless Leaf-Bare will still contain largely the same plot, but Beyond Oblivion's plot was annoying me. I was making stuff up as I went along, and a lot of things made absolutely no sense. So that one is definitely getting rewritten (but yes, I now have the makings of an interesting plot). Also, all three of them are currently on hold until I'm certain I can handle updating this story, my various role-playing sites, and my RL responsibilities. Until next time, readers!**

**Edit: Also, I will have replies to all of your reviews eventually. Maybe I'll make a chapter dedicated to them. Who knows.**

**Edit #2: Oh yeah, I changed my username. It's Gustpetal now, so I kept the GP initials. **


	5. How to Get Reviews

**How are you guys? Thank you so much for the reviews; I was worried that I wouldn't get any because of the heinous hiatus (heh)! How was Halloween for y'all? Dia de los Muertos? Looking forward to the winter festivities? I know I am, because my birthday is in December! I'll be turning fifteen. That's right people, I'll be able to _drive _(well, actually have to wait until February, because that's when I got my permit). I'm kind of scared, to be honest; I don't want to grow up yet. Do any of you agree with that sentiment? Disagree? **

**Here's some responses to the latest reviews!**

**XXwintershadowsXX: Well, considering that you made a rather, uh, similar story to my own, I'm sure you can make that a chapter of your own. **

**ShadmetheAngel: I was only focusing on the most popular types of stories in specifically the Warriors genre. Perhaps, though, I'll write a chapter focusing on general genres, or those non-story things like OC requests, Guess the Cat, and so on. Thanks for reviewing again!**

**The Werewolf Named Creek: I've found that we humans as a group like the cliche and conforming, no matter what some of us might say. If you want an example of a popular rip-off, just look at Fifty Shades of Grey. The prose is awful, with some recurring themes being hilarious to read ("inner goddess," anyone?). Plus, it actually used to be a Twilight fanfiction on this here site, called "Master of the Universe." Fifty and Twilight's plots are extremely similar. Despite all of that, it's apparently sold more copies than To Kill a Mockingbird now. **

**Silverpetal: Those characters are definitely not Mary-Sues. What they are, though, is somewhat two-dimensional, according to the short descriptions you gave. Warriors stories often have ton of characters like that, however, so it's alright. I'm sure they're more fleshed out in your story, anyway!**

**Amberfoot Warriors wizard: You'll see them partaking of the cupcakes in this chapter! :)**

**Goldenwing is Loki'd: Ooooh, a prophecy about an _elder_? But, gah, they're so old and boring! People only really want stories about young and beautiful characters! Pff, whatcha talking about? xD In all seriousness, I would love that! I wonder what other stories that notebook of yours contains!**

**Longclaw: xD I'll pass on the message to Honeyshine. **

**Alrighty, peeps! Since I've seen some concern from my dear reviewers, I've decided to make a chapter dedicated to—gasp!—helping your story get a ton of reviews! What is this, you say? How could I be so sure? **

**Well, in real life, I've found myself to be a very observant person, and that skill has only translated over to here, where I have almost two years of experience surveying the Warriors sub-genre. I have seen some very popular stories and writers when they only had a single chapter and a dream. I have seen other hopefuls fall into obscurity. I saw stories I loved get discontinued. Stories I scoffed at, stories I adored, stories I watched with something close to apathy, they all rose and fell. And b****y now, I have collected a lot of information that I'm sure will be quite beneficial to anyone who reads this chapter. It might work, and it might not. You shall be an experiment to test a hypothesis, if you find yourself a willing volunteer. **

**Oh, yes, I just used science class terms on y'all.**

**Disclaimer: I don't any velociraptors. If I did, I'd surely rule the world. **

**Episode Five: The Empire Stri—I mean, How to Get Reviews**

"Can I touch it?" It was Brindle who had broken the silence.

"What? No!"

"What if I had a sti—"

"_No_."

"But why? You and Fox get to poke it!"

"Because we are old enough to be a match for the speed of this dastardly creature. You, on the other hand, are merely the equivalent of an apprentice."

"Hmph."

Honeyshine and the young brown tabby and white she-cat were staring at a cage. Within stood a very annoyed, very pointy, very _evil_ velociraptor. It hissed, not unlike a goose, and tried to make a swipe for the two cats. Its little arms were too short, however. You see, its grandfather on its mom's side was a tyrannosaurus rex. Made for interesting conversation during family reunions.

As the camera zoomed on the scene, Honeyshine did her best to imitate a documentary narrator. "Observe the _Velociraptor mongoliensis _as it stalks its tiny cage. The once proud and noble creature is now a former shadow of itself, all thanks to the cruel-hearted souls who took it away from its home. Donate money to the Raptor Preservation Fund with the number 1-800-EAT-FACE. Together, we can make sure that no velociraptors will ever suffer again."

"Um, Honeyshine? You do know _we're _the ones who took it away, right?" Brindle exclaimed in confusion.

"Yes, but you know what happened at the end of the Cretaceous Period, right?"

"Um, no."

"THE WORLD AS'PLODED. Our veloci-baby would have been reduced to nothing more than a bunch of bones! We've saved him from a terrible fate! I mean, what use are millions-of-years-old bones to anyone, anyway?"

Somewhere else in the world, there was a group of scientists scratching their heads in bewilderment, wondering what had happened to the velociraptor skeleton they'd been in the process of digging up.

"Aaanyway, now that the commercials are over, we've got to get this show on the road! Hey, everybody, the camera's rolling!" Honeyshine yelled, turning to look in the direction of backstage. Presently, Fox, Smokepaw, and Badgerkit appeared. Smokepaw was in the process of stuffing a doughnut in his face, while Fox carefully cradled her precious cup of coffee. Badgerkit scampered towards his chair first, while the other two followed at more leisurely pace.

"Wha're we uh to to'ay?" Smokepaw said through the mass of sugar and bread. Pewter tapped some buttons on his controls, and a line of text appeared on the screen of his camera, saying; _What are we up to today?_

"Oh, that not what he said at all!" Fell protested from beside him. Before Pewter could say anything, she leapt forward to take control of the camera. The text changed to say _Water weak. Uh, toe two-way._

"That doesn't make any sense!" Pewter said, throwing his paws up in the air. Fell snickered.

Back on the stage, Honeyshine did a hop, skip, jump, pirouette, slide-shuffle, ball-step-change, grapevine, heel-click, and shimmy to her chair. There was some eager applause from the audience below, who had apparently and inexplicably appeared, when she finally finished.

Fox rolled her eyes, and downed her coffee. It was still hot though, so she ended up spitting it out all over Brindle. The audience clapped even louder.

"Welcome to The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction, everybody! Its content is really only relevant to two-legs, but we're massively popular among the feline crowd, too!" A cheer rose up from the crowd when Honeyshine said this. It was true that they really didn't care what the show's focus was, as long as it was entertaining. And since there was a velociraptor in this episode, things were sure to get good.

"Today, we're giving advice to said two-legs about being popular on fanfiction sites! I have no idea what a fanfiction site is!"

The audience was beside themselves. The applause reached a fevered pitch.

"Right! Okay, according to the notes provided by the show's resident two-leg, we will be covering different elements of a story, all adding up to the probability of a writer's story being noticed, and showered with the revered and holy Reviews!" Honeyshine riffled through the notecards in her paws. "First up, we shall discuss the **Summary** of the plot! Smokepaw, what's a summary?"

Through the bits of sugary sweetness still covering the inside of his pie-hole, Smokepaw said something along the lines of, "A summary is a very small version of a story's plot." Or, if you prefer Fell's translation, "Uh, summer eases berry. All incursions offer worry. Flop."

"Good!" Honeyshine purred. "For the two-leg viewers, the summary is that blob of text under the title of every story in the Warriors fanfiction archives. As it turns out, the way a summary reads can be extremely critical to whether people check out your story or not. Here's a list of things you should and shouldn't do when making a summary for your work!"

**Tips for Writing Your Summary**

**1\. DON'T say, "This is a dumb summary, I know. Sorry. Yadda yadda yadda, I have no self-confidence." People appeal to those who show confidence in their work and themselves. If you put something like that in your summary, you're showing that you don't think your story is worth the effort to make a "good summary," and because of this, potential readers will pass you over. We can smell fear, y'know. **

**2\. DON'T be too vague. From my experience, it's interesting to have some idea of what the story is going to be about, and I'm going to ignore a synopsis that is one long quote from a character I know nothing about. On the other hand . . .**

**3\. DON'T be too bland/blunt about what your story is about. If you say, "Uh, life. This story is about life and stuff," or "This is the story of Plainfur and her life as a warrior," I, and plenty other people, aren't going to be curious about the contents of the story.**

**4\. DON'T use that "will they succeed, or will they fail?" gag. It's a flimsy attempt to create suspense when there is none. If you want to create ****suspense, try leaving out some of the details of your story. You can look at the summaries of my other stories for an example. :3**

**And now the DO's. **

**5\. DO try to be informative. This is a summary of the plot of your story, after all. Try to give your readers a bit of information to pull them in. Sometimes, it's best to give people an idea of what your story is going to be like. For example, "the four clans have fallen to a group of dark and powerful cats," or "no one knows where a cat goes after they die a second time, but . . ."**

**6\. DO try to be as interesting as possible. Use descriptive language and try to paint an appealing picture for your readers. You have to get people to WANT to read your story. Try think of the summaries on the back of best-selling books as an example. Do they intrigue you? Do they get your heart racing? Do they leave you wondering what happens within the book? Try to use professional writers' techniques as a guide for your own story. **

**7\. DO try to be original. You've got to stand out among dozens of other stories being updated every hour, and the competition is fierce, baby. If your summary isn't more of the same old, same old, you're guaranteed to draw eyes. Go out, and look through the past several pages to see examples of the quote "same old, same old." **

"Whew! That was a long list!" Honeyshine exclaimed. She leaned over and grabbed her glass of water. "I'm sure that some of you feel that you need a little . . . ah . . . _more _to understand how to make a good summary or whatever. So, for the sake of this episode, we'll have a special little something for each list. Co-hosts?"

Apparently, while Honeyshine had been distracting everyone by reading GP's list in various dramatic voices, her fellow stars had gone back-stage and changed into costumes.

"This is dumb," Fox hissed. She was wearing a witch's hat, and had green paint smeared all over her face.

"For once, I agree," Smokepaw said from under the white sheet he had on top of him. There were two slits cut out for his eyes, but otherwise, he looked like a most fearsome and sentient tablecloth.

"Honeyshine, I have a question," Brindle exclaimed. "What's the point of dressing up like a cat if I'm already a cat?" She had a black vest and a cat ear headband on. With the extra ears, she looked like some bizarre mutant.

"I can't feel my legs!" Badgerkit said, tumbling out from under the curtain. He had apparently been stuffed inside a rubber velociraptor costume, much to the detriment of pretty much all of his senses. The real velociraptor hissed in its cage, as if offended by the cumbersome thing.

Honeyshine ignored all four of them, and turned back to the audience. "Since Halloween just occurred, we thought it would be fun to dress up in costumes, like two legs do!"

"But you didn't put on a costume!"

"Hush, I'm obviously dressed up as me. Anyway, my lovely co-hosts will be competing to make the best story. And it has to be Halloween-themed! First up, think of a summary for your plot!"

The four other cats looked at each other, and reluctantly traipsed over to the small handheld whiteboards Honeyshine had left on their seats. Honeyshine picked up a stop-watch, and looked at the others expectantly. "Alright . . . 327GO!"

Fox, Smokepaw, and Brindle began to furiously scribble. Badgerkit lifted a tiny velociraptor arm, and then promptly fell off his chair.

A minute passed in an intense sixty seconds of squeaking markers and flailing Badgerkit's. "Done!" Honeyshine announced. She turned toward the three cats who'd actually written something. "Drop the markers!"

Honeyshine hopped over and grabbed all three of the boards, and examined them. "Alright, here are the three summaries:

1\. In Booscarypaw's Clan, there is a celebration every leaf-fall. It is said in legend that when the leaves are turning colors and the nights are growing longer, the spirit world is closer to the living. During the Day of Spirit's Passing, Booscarypaw has an encounter with a dead cat, who opens her eyes to the dark secrets her clan has been hiding. What really brought about the creation of her clan, and what came before it? Was there really such a thing as StarClan?

2\. Once, there was a she-cat named Honeyfluff-for-brains. She was scorned by all of her clanmates for being scatterbrained and generally just an all-around idiot. One day, fed up with her dumbness, they do some incantation stuff, and summon a demon to eradicate her. Can Honeythick-skull survive? Or will the demon get her?

3\. There was wuns a Clan that was normal and averaghe. Than, suddanlee cats started dying off. Can the clan find who the killer is befour it's too late? Srry, I dont noe how to spel vary well.

"Well," Honeyshine said. "The first one get's docked points for having a protagonist with a dumb name. Although, the second story doesn't have a character with a very realistic name either. So both get points taken off for that. The third one has horrible spelling, and has the writer being apologetic, so that gets docked points, too. Since the second story has the will they or won't they thing in it, the first one ultimately wins I think."

"Yes!" Smokepaw said, springing up.

"Alright, next list! This one is about the **Title**!"

**Tips for Coming up with a Good Title**

**1\. DON'T use "Blahstar's Blah," unless you're writing a Super Edition of some kind. Idk.**

**2\. DON'T include Warriors in the title in this format: Warriors: The Endless Cycle: Book One: Endless Leaf-bare. We know what fandom you're writing this story for.**

**3\. DON'T include the words "Book One," until you've at least got a sequel. The best way to write a story is to make sure it stands on its own, then add on to it later on.**

**4\. DON'T spoil the plot with your title. **

**4\. DO try using a title that's relevant to what you're writing about, of course. **

**5\. DO try avoiding titles that would be frequently used, like "Isolation." I searched that up recently, and came up with like 2,000 results, or something.**

**6\. Here's some examples I see used a lot: "The New Beginning," "Rising Storm," and "Blahstar's Blah" (or in some cases, "Blahcat's Blah"). **

"Quick! Write a title!" Honeyshine exclaimed, turning towards her co-hosts. Three cats began to scribble, while Badgerkit was still down for the count.

After thirty seconds passed, Honeyshine took back the boards again. "Here's the results!"

1\. Booscarypaw's Boo Scary Adventure

2\. Honeyshine is Dumb

3\. Murder at Midnite

"Okay, the first one is just dumb, the second one is—hey! Okay, the second one is disqualified, and the third one wins by default, I guess."

"Hurray!" Brindle cheered. Smokepaw looked affronted, while Fox just sat back and grinned. Badgerkit flailed his little velociraptor feet some more.

"Next list!" Honeyshine shrieked.

**Tips for a Good Avatar (yes, even the picture matters)**

**1\. Have it be of a cat. Seriously.**

**2\. For real, stories that had pictures with the title of the story and a cat in them get reviews for some reason**

**3\. Even if you just had an avatar that was a picture from the Warriors series, like those pictures they used at the beginning of every chapter, you'd still get attention**

**4\. It doesn't even have to be a good picture of a cat. It could be a stick figure cat.**

**5\. Cats yo**

"Alright, I'm giving the boards back, but this time, draw your picture for your story!" Honeyshine said to the three competitors. Badgerkit was effectively disqualified at this point.

There was much scribbling to be had, and when Honeyshine got the boards back, she examined them critically.

Smokepaw's seemed to be that of a blob with eyes. Like his costume. Ha ha.

Fox's was that of Honeyshine's face in a grotesque caricature. The hostess frowned.

Brindle's was a stick drawing of a cat with a knife.

"Brindle wins again!" Honeyshine announced. She put the boards down and looked at the final list. "This one is for the **First Chapter** of the story! The first chapter is important because it's the first thing everyone looks at when they actually click on your story. You need to make sure that the first chapter is a good one, so people will continue reading, and eventually, reviewing!"

**Tips for Writing a Good First Chapter**

**1\. Take your time. Make sure the writing flows, and the events occurring are interesting. You want this first chapter to be one of the best in your story, if possible, so you can draw people in. **

**2\. Scrutinize for spelling/grammar errors. **

**3\. Try avoiding putting just your allegiances in the first chapter. If you do that, you must have a second, proper chapter immediately available. **

**4\. Present the readers with an intriguing scene to introduce them to your story.**

**5\. End with a cliffhanger, or foreshadowing, or something that will compel the reader to keep going on to subsequent chapters. **

"Since we don't want to sit around and wait for our competitors to write actual chapters, we will simply have them write a synopsis of how the first chapter would go!" Honeyshine explained to the audience. She turned towards the three co-hosts, and gave them the boards one final time. "Get set . . . get ready . . . get pumped . . . get hyped . . . get impatient—"

"Get on with it!" Fox snapped.

"GO!"

They scribbled. It was scribbly. Much cheers from audience.

Honeyshine took back the boards, and examined them.

1\. Booscarypaw's Clan is getting ready for the big festival, and one of the elders, Pumpkinheadoldguy, tells the apprentices and kits all about the tradition of the Day of Spirit's Passing. The chapter ends with a spooky story from Pumpkinheadoldguy. The last words in the chapter are his, and he says something along the lines of, "And who knows, maybe you're his next victim!" Dun dun dun.

2\. Honeyfart's Clan is getting ready for winter, when suddenly Honeygot-a-screw-loose eats all the medicine cat's herbs. For some reason, she doesn't die, but the Clan decides they've had enough of her. They begin the ceremony to summon the demon, and the chapter ends with the demon emerging, ready to hunt Honeyidiot down.

3\. The Clan is doing stuff. The first chapter is told from the point of view of an average cat with fears and aspirations. When they walk away after a big fight with a clan mate to go to the lake, it's the middle of the night. Suddenly, there is a cat there, and they kill her! Gasp!

"Pumpkinheadoldguy? Where in the world do you get this stuff?" Honeyshine exclaimed. "I think I'll just have Brindle win again, so that means she wins overall!"

"Yeah!" Brindle said with a shout. She sprang up on her chair. "I won something! Wooooo!"

"Besides the list, GP had a few other words of advice for the audience," Honeyshine exclaimed. She cleared her throat.

**"When you first start out with a story, make sure to update frequently and consistently. Once you do amass a following of reviewers, you need to be able to keep them. Do this by churning out at least one chapter a week. When you think people are invested enough in your story to keep checking back on it, you can slow down your progress to a more manageable level. **

**"Frequently review other stories, especially ones with little reviews. There's a chance that, out of ****gratitude, they'll check out your stories and write you a review, too. Y'know, 'I scratch your back, you scratch mine.'**

**"Put thought-provoking questions in your OOC notes. If a person feels like answering a question strongly enough, they'll write a review. **

**"Be a nice, hard-working person. Eventually, karma will reward you."**

"Okay! That's it for today! Hold on, though; after the commercial break, we have a special message for our fans! See you there!"

Pewter cut the camera.

* * *

The commercials were interesting. Not velociraptor-interesting, but interesting. Iiiiinteeeresssting.

* * *

Honeyshine, Fox, Brindle, Badgerkit, Smokepaw, and Fell were all sitting in their chairs. On the center table, there was a sizable amount of letters and a couple packages. Fan mail, an observer might guess.

"Hello, two-legs and cats!" Honeyshine exclaimed, beaming at the camera. "We'd like to thank you personally for watching and reviewing our show!"

"And to say thank you for the cupcakes!" Brindle exclaimed.

"I cahnt stahp stuffin mah face wih them," Badgerkit said through a mass of frosting.

Honeyshine nodded towards the younger cats. "Additionally, we wanted to do this so you could see our reaction to reading your fan mail. Thanks so much for all of it; I'm sure you all had lovely things to say!"

The golden-and-white she-cat plucked one that had been carefully set aside from the rest of the pile. "GP had asked I read this one specifically. I have no idea why!"

"Maybe it's someone trying to talk sense to you," Fox said with a devious grin.

"Doubtful," Smokepaw said with a frown. "All these StarClan cats are as crazy as Honeyshine." Honeyshine, you are the most beautiful, graceful, kind, patient, merciful, attractive, athletic, agreeable, hard-working, compassionate, flexible forgiving, and awesome she-cat I have ever seen. Last night, I lost 10 hours of sleep just thinking of you. Will you marry me?

Ignoring the other two, Honeyshine ripped open the envelope, and began to read the letter inside. "Honeyshine, you are the most beautiful, graceful, kind, patient, merciful, attractive, athletic, agreeable, hard-working, compassionate, flexible forgiving, and awesome she-cat I have ever seen. Last night, I lost 10 hours of sleep just thinking of you. Will you marry me?"

"Ooooh, Honeyshine's got a proposal!" Brindle exclaimed. She sprang up in her chair to look over the she-cat's shoulder. "Who's it from?"

Honeyshine's face had flushed an interested shade of pink, and she snatched the letter away before Brindle could read it. "I-it's from someone named Longclaw," she exclaimed.

"Obviously, he must be insane," Fox meowed. "What kind of cat would lose sleep over _you_?"

Honeyshine glared at her vehemently. "You insulted me all of this episode, and then you go so far as to say that no one would ever like me?" She growled. "Say that again. I _dare _you."

Fox was a bit taken aback by the she-cat's response. Usually, she was too bubbly to care what the ginger she-cat said. Still, Fox managed to regain her composure. She narrowed her eyes. "You're _not _graceful, you're _not _kind, you're _not _patient, and you're certainly not merciful! You're not athletic, not agreeable, not—"

Fox's words were cut off with a shriek from Honeyshine, and the golden-and-white she-cat abruptly tackled the other she-cat. The two spun away from the camera's view, leaving the rest of the crew to look on in horror. Faintly, in the background, one could hear the two cats snarling insults at each other.

Smokepaw groaned, and put a paw to his forehead. "Just . . . cut the camera already, Pewter."

**Aaaaaaand we're done. You may or may not have noticed, but I'm trying to make this more than just a spoof. I'm also trying to make an underlying plot for the characters involved, too. Sometimes, I forget that though, so Honeyshine's character tends to bounce all over the place. xD**

**What did you guys think? Do you think my advice is sound? Would there be anything you'd add to it? What are your thoughts on velociraptors?**

**Until next time, my readers/viewers/whomever you are!**


	6. OCs Needed

**Did anyone ever tell you guys that you are awesome? Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to review this! 71 review for five chapters is a lot! Now, I made a pact with myself some time ago that if one of my stories became really popular, I would do my duty to shine a light on those good stories that aren't so popular! My first Story in the Spotlight is:**

**Tunnel Blues****, by Blurg the Destroyer**

**I like this story, because it contains probably the most realistic example of a psychopath I've seen so far in the Warriors archives. Most examples of psychopaths seem to be cats who suffered a lot of abuse, or cats who just happened to be EVUUUUL. However, Tunnel Blues' protagonist seems to be genuinely disconnected, and well, crazy. The story is also funny in a morbid way. So, if you're into dark humor and anti-heroes, feel free to check Tunnel Blues out, and most importantly, leave a review!**

**If you believe you have a really good story that doesn't receive a lot of attention, or if you've seen another person's story that seems underappreciated, feel free to PM me, and I may make it my next Story in the Spotlight!**

**Now, before you go off trying to make OCs, or something, I just want to tell you that despite the title of this chapter, I'm not requesting OCs (right now, anyway). Actually, this is a chapter about how to request OCs. Intense, I know. It's probably not as funny, or as helpful as some of my other chapters, but I felt it was necessary, what with all the OC requests popping up lately. **

**I'd also like to point out that I finally made a picture for this story! Yay! It's pretty simplistic, but I'm no world-class artist, or anything. **

**Review the Reviews time!**

**kayixxu: You didn't have to, of course! My opinion is just that, an opinion. I appreciate your willingness, all the same!**

**The Werewolf Named Creek: Sounds like your Halloween was really fun!**

**WildChild13: Thank you!**

**TheFanfictionMaster: Driving does feel weird. Especially if you're driving different cars, and the brakes are more jumpy on one car than the other. **

**GingertheTiger: Yay for velociraptors!**

**Amberfoot Warriors wizard: xD OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE**

**WillowPraysforParis: I think velociraptors need to be a reoccurring theme in this story. x3**

**Thegeniusyoshi: Go for it. Looks cryptic to me! :3**

**Silverheart146: Thank you!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own Hallmark. **

**Episode Six: OCs Needed**

The she-cat stared down at the invitation in her paws, and couldn't help feel a fist of dread in her stomach. Her eyes creased, and with one paw, she rubbed at her brow. On the floor, the remains of the envelope were littered around her. Her jaw, slightly agape, trembled a little bit as she read the words printed on the card. The invitation itself was a simple affair, gold—of course—with little of the extra features that Honeyshine commonly saw on cards at Hollymark.

_You're invited! _the front of the card said. Honeyshine frowned. If this was from who she thought it was, whatever she being invited to was going to be far from silver glitter and cheery words.

Reluctantly, she opened the card up. On the inside, Honeyshine saw the all too familiar and careful writing. _Mr. and Mrs. Lionfur and Goldenpetal invite you to their Kin Day party. BYOB! Presents for the little ones are much appreciated, as well!_

Kin Day. She dreaded this holiday every year. Either she had to put up with her parents and the rest of her stuffy family for a whole evening, or she sat alone at home, feeling abandoned and forgotten while every other cat in StarClan got together with their kin to play games and receive presents. This year, it seemed, she had been invited, and Honeyshine had a strong suspicion why. No doubt, her family didn't "approve" of her career choice or whatever.

The golden and white she-cat threw the card on the floor, and promptly stalked out of her den. As with most days in StarClan, today was a pleasant. A sky of intensely bright stars wound its way over the cats walking below, and the air brimmed with pleasant conversation. Honeyshine couldn't help but take notice of the stores with toys and traditional Kin Day food in their windows, and the bright red signs saying _Kin Day Sale! _She sighed after staring at them all for a few seconds, and then continued stalking her way over to the studio.

Abruptly, a faded blue car pulled up beside her, and Honeyshine jerked her head up in surprise. The window rolled down, and Honeyshine saw that Pewter was at the wheel. "Get in!" he insisted.

Honeyshine frowned, but decided that getting a ride was better than walking almost half an hour to the studio. She opened the passenger door, and hopped inside. Turning her head as she slammed the door shut, she saw Fell was dozing in the back. "I didn't know you two had a car," she exclaimed.

"And you don't?" Pewter asked.

She turned to face forward. "I didn't feel like driving today."

Pewter put his foot down on the gas pedal, and the silver car reentered traffic. Honeyshine crossed her arms and slouched in her seat. About a minute of silence passed, and the golden she-cat jerked her head up to regard Pewter. The gray tom's eyes were on the road. "What were you two doing in my area of camp, anyway?" she asked.

"Well, you know the stores here have the best Kin Day deals."

"Oh, right." Honeyshine's features darkened.

"Something on your mind?" Pewter said, keeping his eyes on the road as he turned the car around a corner.

Honeyshine wondered whether or not there was any point in bothering the tom with her concerns. She'd learned that he could be rather . . . ineffectual. The she-cat rubbed the back of her arm. "It's just. I never really look forward to this holiday."

"Oh?" Pewter exclaimed. "Why is that?"

"My family," Honeyshine growled, slumping down further.

"Oh. Believe me, I can relate," Pewter said, his whiskers twitching.

"Really?" Honeyshine was caught off-guard by the tom's statement, and her brow raised questioningly.

"Yep. My parents were kittypets, but I always found myself cooped up inside their housefolk's den. I went to live on the streets, and well, you could say they disapproved of that."

Honeyshine blinked, and looked past him out the window. "Do you see them often?"

The tom shook his head. "Haven't found them yet. The afterlife is a big place, you know."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I barely knew them."

"Huh."

The rest of the drive passed in relative silence. Honeyshine caught herself scrutinizing Pewter for a few long moments, but resisted the urge to look away. The quiet loner hadn't told her much about himself or Fell when he applied for the job of camera cat, and Honeyshine hadn't really thought to ask. She had been so preoccupied with that twoleg, and the show.

The car began to slow, and Pewter decisively shifted the car into "park."

"We're here," Pewter meowed. In the back, Fell yawned and stretched. Smacking her lips, the white she-cat opened the door next to her, and hopped outside.

"Last one to the door is a rotten egg!" she exclaimed, darting off on all fours.

Honeyshine rolled her eyes, trying to get a grip on that feisty persona she was so used to displaying. She unclipped her seat buckle, and stepped out of the car. She anxiously combed the lot, mentally counting every car present. Last time the show had aired, there had been a surprisingly large turn-out, but it seemed things would be slower today. No doubt, it was because of preparations for Kin Day.

Hesitantly, Honeyshine followed Pewter and Fell into the studio. The pair went to prepare the stage, and Honeyshine went backstage. As she walked over to the break room, she could hear the voices of her co-hosts. Honeyshine grimaced, remembering what Fox had said to her the last time they'd taped an episode. Her paws shook slightly as she opened the door.

Badgerkit and Smokepaw were arm-wrestling over the table, dangerously close to spilling a cup of coffee set next to them. Brindle was scrutinizing herself in the mirror, and Fox was sitting in the corner reading the _Silverpelt Herald_. Honeyshine couldn't help but look at the Outsider curiously; why would she care about the goings on of StarClan? Fox had often said she found this place to be disgusting and petty. Honeyshine honestly didn't understand why GP had insisted she take on these cats as co-hosts. They obviously weren't accustomed to this world.

Speaking of the twoleg, Honeyshine hadn't seen her in awhile . . .

"Look what the cat dragged in," a droll voice exclaimed, interrupting Honeyshine's thoughts. "Oh wait, never mind, it's just the cat."

Honeyshine did her best to ignore Fox, turning towards the others instead. "Hey! Ready to go?"

Badgerkit nearly jumped. He had been so engrossed in his game with Smokepaw, that he hadn't seen the she-cat enter. His moment of surprise was enough for his opponent to gain the upper hand (literally!) however, and Smokepaw triumphantly slammed Badgerkit's paw down on the table. "I win!"

Badgerkit said something very un-kitlike.

Brindle rolled her eyes at the toms' antics, and turned to look at Honeyshine enthusiastically. "Yeah, we're ready!"

From her corner, Fox snorted.

Resisting the urge to rearrange the features of Fox's face, Honeyshine clasped her paws together. "Great! Let's go!"

Smokepaw, Brindle, and Badgerkit got up and moved towards the door, but Fox didn't budge.

Honeyshine frowned at the other she-cat. "Fox? We gotta go, the audience is already taking their seats—"

"I don't feel like it."

The golden-and-white she-cat crossed her arms. "It doesn't matter if you don't feel like it, Fox, you signed a contract—"

"Too bad! If that was the case, then maybe you shouldn't have given me this!" Fox picked up the remote that had been lying next to her. Before Honeyshine could say or do anything, the ginger she-cat disappeared with a _pop_.

"Well, that just happened," Smokepaw said aptly. Somehow, he'd snatched a doughnut when no one was looking, and was now happily munching on it. Honeyshine sighed, and rolled her eyes at Fox's now vacant seat.

"Whatever. Let's go, guys!"

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this is the actual guide part, if you were wondering.**

Pewter finally finished finagling with the camera, and turned to train it on Honeyshine, Brindle, Smokepaw, and Badgerkit. Taking Fox's usual spot was Fell.

Honeyshine tried not to tremble as she smiled at the camera. "Welcome to the latest episode of The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction. Today, we will be discussing a type of 'story' all our twoleg viewers are no doubt familiar with. They all often sport the same title: OCs Needed!"

Honeyshine stirred the tea in her cup. GP had told her drinking tea while on air would make her seem more English and sophisticated, whatever that meant. "Now, you might be wondering what exactly I could tell you about that particular brand of stories. Well, we'll be informing you on how to get the kind of OCs you actually need—which would be anyone not suffering from main-characater syndrome—and how to make good OCs for other people's stories."

The golden and white she-cat waved her paw, and the camera cut to a slideshow depicting pictures of the whiteboard.

The first image of the whiteboard showed that it said: **1\. DO NOT tell people the "main clan."**

The camera cut back to Honeyshine. "One thing GP has noticed is that when people tell potential reviewers the 'main clan'—that is, the one the main character is featured in—everyone puts their OCs in that clan, leaving the other clans with only, like three warriors each. In reality, that would be super odd, and that main clan would have no trouble conquering the other clans and becoming UberClan or something."

Fell's brow furrowed. "But Honeyshine, clans aren't taxi drivers—"

"Not that kind of Uber," Honeyshine said quickly, cutting the kit off.

**2\. If you don't have a main character, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, tell everyone. Especially if it needs to be a kit.**

"Because obviously," Honeyshine said. "Every character you get is probably going to have a Tragic!Backstory, or a Different!Appearance, and will suffer from main character syndrome. And if it needs to be a kit, then you're suddenly going to have eleventeen kits in every clan."

Honeyshine twirled her cup of tea. "If you really need a main character, my suggestion would be to secretly pick one out from the OCs you get, or PM a person whose OCs looked really thought out to request one."

**3\. I would recommend regulating the number of cats you have in each position, and in each clan. If you have a lot of kits in one clan, move some of the queens and their families to other clans. You could also have limits posted, like two queens maximum for each clan. That why, the warrior population of your clan won't double in approximately twelve moons. **

"This is a possible solution to the problem of everyone putting cats in your main clan, or having too many kits in one clan," Honeyshine explained. "In the books, there were rarely more than six kits in the nursery at a time, and usually, it was much less than that."

**4\. If multiple people apply a cat for the same position before the next chapter, choose the cat that's the most realistic and thought-out. For example, if someone just listed traits for their character named "Emeraldstar," and someone posted after them with a character named "Mousestar," who had a paragraph dedicated to just their personality, go with Mousestar. **

"Unless your story is the exception to the rule, you'll want characters that have realistic names and personalities," Honeyshine mewed. "To future readers, it won't matter that the OCs were made by someone else. It's your responsibility to make a plausible story."

"What's an emerald?" Badgerkit exclaimed.

Honeyshine waved a paw at the kit and stared at the camera pointedly. "See?"

**5\. Although using an "OCs Needed" can be easier than coming up with a bunch of your own OCs, there are some disadvantages. For one, a lot of people see "OCs Needed" as a way for their characters to get a story made about them, without having to do any work.**

"One thing GP has noticed is there are people who will submit characters with Mary-Sueish qualities. Those people will try to get their characters involved in a big way. Some will go as far as to type out a whole plot for their character. Bonus points if their OC is actually the protagonist in one of the stories they're writing." Honeyshine took a dainty sip of her tea. "If you come across an OC like this and you don't want to do their plot or whatever, you should probably PM the person to explain that to them.

"Now, let's look at tips for people submitting OCs!"

**Submitting OCs**

**1\. If you're just going to submit an apprentice or kit, you should at least provide profiles for their parents.**

Honeyshine nodded solemnly. "There have been cases where people just submit a single kit, and that's it. No mention of family or anything! Please provide parents, guys, it's not that hard!"

**2\. Don't say that your character used to be a kittypet or a rogue, and was taken in by the clan, unless the requester specifically asks for that kind of thing.**

"The canon books made it clear that cats without pure blood were rare. Thusly, you should avoid making characters who are exceptions."

**3\. Probably the MOST important rule of all: your OCs shouldn't be special! They're just supposed to be background fodder! **

"The only exception would be if the requester specifically asks for things like main characters! Otherwise, don't try to force other people to accept your super speshur Mary-Sue! Okay?" Honeyshine threw her paws up in the air, inadvertently sending her cup of tea flying. "Oh, poop."

As if the star had aligned for one glorious, and perfect moment, Fox suddenly stumbled out from underneath the curtain. It was apparent she'd been all over town, if the merchandise and bags hanging off of her were any indication. "Hey guys, did I miss anything?"

Meanwhile, the tea-cup sailed through the air at a snail's pace, as if it didn't realize that everything else in the room was moving at a normal speed. Tea cups were dumb like that. It soon realized it's mistake though, and sped up to hit Fox in the head. The ginger she-cat promptly fell over, sunglasses and tacky t-shirts flying everywhere.

"Whoops," Honeyshine exclaimed.

"Everybody panic!" Fell shrieked. At her discretion, the audience below fell into chaos. It wasn't until about twenty minutes later that it occurred to someone to call the ambulance.

* * *

**Well, this was a rather short chapter, in terms of actual guide-ness. Feel free to comment and critique in reviews!**

**For those of you in America, I hope you enjoy Thanksgiving! Stay safe, Black Friday shoppers! God knows you're braver than I am. **

**My condolences to those of you who live in, or have loved ones in Paris. Stay safe. **


	7. The Troll-dar Awakens

**Wazzup, people? Christmas is **in two days **(ha, not anymore)****! Got your gifts? Got your trees? Got your assortment of small children to open your gifts (only _losers _open their own gifts -o-)? If not, I hear that small children are out in large numbers at this time of year, building snowmen or whatever, so it's pretty easy to go and borrow a few (and if you are in a part of the world that doesn't have snow, I guess you're out of luck).**

**Anyway, have you all seen Star Wars yet? If not, you should, because it's pretty good (certainly way above prequel material! :D). Plus, there are spoilers abound on the internet. Who knows, even I cou-DARTH VADER IS LUKE'S FATHER. :OOOOOO**

spacemonster

**Story Spotlight:** **Cynical Rants About Cats** **by Cynical-Britton**

**This here is a rant-thing that uses humor (British humor ooooo) while bashing the Erins! What's not to love? Seriously, guys, go read it. The chapters are short, funny, and pretty on-point.**

spacemonster

**WildChild13: Once, I tried to report an OCs Needed. Twenty more sprang up to take its place. These things are like the fanfiction version of hydras. -shakes head-**

**Thegeniusyoshi: Cool beans. Have fun with your story!**

**Keeper wishes a MerryChristmas: Generally, the vagueness of a prophecy is a good indicator for how much a person cares about their story, and the likeihood of them finishing it. **

**ShadowWolf157: Glad you enjoy it!**

**TheDragon'sWing123: You did repay me! With a revoooooooo. **

**Hurr durr: I used to try reporting OCs Needed, but it didn't affect their population numbers in the slightest. So I figured I might as well help make them less annoying to look at as they grow and develop (more than 11 kits in a Clan! With less warriors than that! What are these people thinking?!).**

**Realynnie: Thanks!**

**Creek the Mischievous Spirit: You should tell your parents about the wonder that is Cyber Monday P:**

**Goldenwing is Loki'd: If it's any comfort, the stories that come out of OCs Needed typically only get a couple of reviews before the author abandons them. **

**Snakekit of ThunderClan: Since when, Oh Trollfic-Writer?**

spacemonster

**Today's topic is troll-fics! Specifically, how to identify them. A surprisingly large percentage of our community doesn't know the difference between a troll-fic and a really sh***y fanfic. Well, I have a few special secret tricks up my sleeve! Come now, viewers, gather round the television screen!**

spacemonster

**Episode Seven: The Troll-dar Awakens**

_The camera was pointed at a quaint little den. It was decked out quite festively in wreaths of _bird feathers and mouse pelts. Someone had even gathered up some stars and strung them across the roof, using some carefully preserved grasses. Gold was the most prominent color among the stars, and the den had a faded cream wash to it. Whoever was carrying the camera started to approach the den, and rang the "bell"; a collection of hollowed bird's eggs hanging from some more, tightly wound grasses. They clicked together, and from inside the large den, came the sound of light, quick feet.

"Who is it?" A she-cat's voice exclaimed. A golden and white head popped into view, and a pair of blue eyes grew wide at the sight greeting them.

Standing in front of the she-cat was a mysterious figure, cloaked in robes of dark brown. A cowl, hanging low over the stranger's head, hid his face. Goldenpetal, for that was the she-cat's name, grew still, and tried not to quiver. So terrified was she, that she didn't even notice the gray tom filming the pair of them.

Slowly, the figure extended a white paw from its drapes, and pointed inside the den. "Bring me your daughter, Honeyshine." There was a pause, and then, the figure spoke in a ominous tone, "Or suffer the wrath of the Dark Forest!"

"Y-yes of course, I recognize your signature robes of darkness-very lovely by the way . . . HONEYSHINE!"

A younger version of the golden and white she-cat came running up the tunnel, and squeezed past her mother. "Kthanksbaimomseeyoulaters." She didn't even spare a second glance towards the cowled cat, instead making a bee-line for the camera cat as he hopped inside his car.

"Get in! Quick!"

Back over by the den entrance, the robed cat threw back its hood, revealing itself to be Fell (who was standing on Badgerkit's shoulders to reach a proper height). "You dun been pranked!" she shrieked, and sprang off of Badgerkit. The pair of kits sprinted away.

"Wh-wh-wha? Honeyshine! Get back here!" The golden she-cat shouted. She fumed angrily at the faded blue car as it sputtered to life and skidded away.

* * *

"Thanks you guys," Honeyshine exclaimed, panting in the passenger seat. "That made sitting through my uncle Sunclaw's rantings totally worth it."

"Hey, it's not like we got anything better to do," Pewter said with a shrug. He turned and looked over at the two kits in the backseat. "Right guys?"

"This is totally worth at least a couple hundred thousand hits!" Fell said, already finagling with the camera.

"We'd better hurry," Badgerkit said anxiously. "We're going to be late for today's episode!"

* * *

Smokepaw and Brindle sat on stage alone, shuffling papers (Fox was still in the hospital). Smokepaw itched his neck, and Brindle stared down at her paws.

Someone in the audience coughed.

* * *

"Okay, we're here!" Smokepaw said, drifting hastily into the parking lot so he ended up taking three whole spaces. "Everybody out!"

They all sprinted towards the building. Fell tripped over her overly large robes.

"I can't see!" The white she-kit complained.

* * *

"Um, hello everyone, welcome to-"

"I OBJECT!" Honeyshine screeched, throwing both of the main entryway doors open. She was holding Fell in her arms, who promptly let out a death rattle and fell limp. "See, look what you've gone and did! No one's supposed to start the show but me!"

Taking a deep breath, Honeyshine started the show. "Hello everyone, welcome to the most amazing, most watchable, most entertaining thing ever . . . me! Oh, but The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction is pretty good too, I suppose."

Fell hacked up a hairball, and took in a deep breath. "I'm okay everybody!"

The audience cheered.

* * *

Later, after everyone had watched Honeyshine's mom's epic fail (totes hilarious) at least eleven times, Honeyshine cleared her throat, and clapped for the chatter to die down.

"While that was very entertaining, we still have to teach you something about this thing twolegs call writing. Today, we are discussing the people who write badly on purpose. For whatever odd reason, two-legs call them 'trolls'." Pewter helpfully provided a picture of a banana.

"Anyway, we are going to help twolegs identify trolls, since they unfortunately do not look anything like bananas. It would make things so much easier if they were."

A few cats in the audience nodded solemnly.

Honeyshine looked down at the papers she'd stolen from Smokepaw and Brindle. "Tip number one; **Trolls do not spell consistently.**"

"It goes without saying that a lot of trolls spell horribly. So do beginning writers. So, to spare you the pain of needlessly lecturing trolls on the finer points of using exclamation points instead of one's, try looking for inconsistencies in the troll's writing. Pick a word. Any word, preferably a common word, like 'the'. See if 'the' is spelled the same way throughout the story, or heck, just make sure it's spelled right. A person who is genuinely trying to learn to write won't be misspelling simple words all the time.

"Here's an example of a troll, and a beginning writer, provided by Brindle and Smokepaw:

_Rsoekit lookitd otsidy. Et wsz rainnin. Sihhign, Roesktt hpped teh wdder wud be beddr tomoro. _

_Rowskit lookt owtsid. It was rainin. Sihing, Rowskit hopd the wether wood be better tomorro. _

It should be easy to figure out which would be a troll, and which would be a six-year-old. We even underlined the protagonist's name to give you an indicator of which person wrote more consistently. Not only that, but the six-year-old actually knew how to spell two and three-letter words."

Honeyshine looked towards the camera. "And if you still can't figure out whether option one or two is the troll, you're bad and you should feel bad."

"I dunno, Honeyshine, I thought it was pretty tough," Badgerkit exclaimed, smirking.

"Yeah. Saying them out loud, they both totally sounded the same to me," Smokepaw added, chuckling.

"Shut up, you're not funny," Honeyshine growled. "Tip number two; **Beginners sound out words. Trolls smash their keyboards.**

"Using the example from before, you can see the troll made words that normal people probably can't even pronounce. 'Wzs'? 'Hpped'? Other things, the resulting mish-mash doesn't sound anything like the original word. 'Otsidy'? 'Teh'? If you're reading a story where you see lots of unpronounceable words, or words that don't sound anything like their intent, you've probably got a troll on your hands."

Brindle rolled over. "But . . . Honeyshine? How do you catch a troll that spells correctly?"

"Pff, that's easy. **Beginners want to tell the best story they can. Trolls want to be as ridiculous, enraging, attention-grabbing, unapologetic, and meta as possible. **That's why the writers of Hidden Prophecies had that one background character they kept killing off and changing the gender of, as well as that one random rape scene. That's why the writer of Starkit's Prophecy tried to force religion down people's throats, and spewed hate towards gay people. Because they wanted to get people's attention, and they _wanted _people to review and tell them that their story and their methods sucked. Trolls live off of attention."

"Veeery good," Fell purred, springing out of nowhere. She was wearing her robes again, and this time, she had a red lightsaber in her paws. "But is your Troll-dar as strong as your connection to the Force?"

"Where did you get that," Honeyshine stated flatly.

"Taste intensified waves of radiation!" Fell shrieked.

* * *

**Wooooo! Another (sadly, short) chapter down! Merry Christmas guys! **

**Now, go out, watch Star Wars, and strike down mighty Troll foes! Fly, my pretties, flyyyyyyyyyyyy!**


	8. Fickle Muse, Where Art Thou?

**Heeeeey guys! I'm back with another chapter! Already! I don't think it's even been a week yet! Crazy, right?**

**Story Spotlight:** **RISING TIDES by kiwi'swritercake**

**This particular story, while only having one chapter of story content on this site thus far, really impressed me with its prose. It looks to me like those stories where the author figured out the entirety of the plot and all of its elements a long time ago, and you, the reader, are in for quite a ride. Anyway, I'm the only person to have reviewed it thus far, so I think it would be really cool if you could go and review it!**

**Replies to da Reviews!**

**Keeper of the Starry Night: I really liked BB-8, too! I especially liked that lighter thumbs-up moment (a lot of people chuckled at that). As for my favorite character, I think mine would have to be Finn, or at least the concept of him. Up until this point, the movies have really only portrayed the Stormtroopers as cannon fodder, so I thought it was really cool of the writers to try humanizing them. I hope they expand on that in the future! Favorite movie: I can't really say; some of the movies I haven't seen in a loooooong time. As for trolls, I always preferred the stories that didn't have a lot of unnecessary misspelled words. **

**ShadmetheAngel: So, haaaaaaave you seen it yet? P:**

**Creek the Mischievous Spirit: Indeed. x3 Here's another chapter for your enjoyment!**

**Featherfall's Lullaby: Hmm, I guess at that point my advice is to try reviewing other people's stories, and then discreetly ask them to check out and review your stories. If they're grateful, and polite (which they usually are), you can be expecting them to review! **

**Rivermoon: You're welcome! :) And thank you! **

**Disclaimer: Something something lightsabers**

**Episode Eight: Fickle Muse, Where Art Thou?**

_The stage was completely dim, save for a single, ruddy spotlight, which illuminated _a golden-furred she-cat. This she-cat wore robes of white, laurels of gold, and sat upon a small cushion of red velvet. Balanced against her was a large, ornate harp, attached to a set of gleaming strings. The she-cat surveyed her audience with complacent blue eyes, before turning to the masterfully crafted instrument. Slowly, and then with increasing vigor, she began to play.

Her melody of choice was soothing, yet haunting. It quickly captured the attention of the cats sitting in the shadows below, and all small talk died away. For several minutes, all anyone could hear was the sound of the harp.

"Welcome," a voice boomed, startling a few of the audience members. "To The Writer's Guide to Warriors Fanfiction. In today's episode, we will be taking you back to a time long, long ago, in a land far, far away. The name of this land is lost to countless moons, but its stories still remain. Legends like that of the fierce-some warriors of LeopardClan, TigerClan, and LionClan. However, today's story shall not be about war and bloodshed, but rather, that of a humble young artist's struggle. Indeed, it shall be a tale full of strife and drama, unintelligible singing and perhaps at least one dramatic death-"

"So, like an opera?" A random audience member asked.

"Uh, yeah, like an opera," the booming voice said. "Speaking of which, Honeyshine made me watch an opera the other day, and let me tell you-"

"Fell," the golden-furred harpist growled.

"Jesus-Cat, everybody keeps interrupting me. Whatever, let's just cut to the story now, m'kay?" The impossibly husky voice exclaimed.

The spotlight on Honeyshine faded, while a new light extended to reveal a bowed figure standing center stage. Even when he wore a set of robes and laurel leaves similar to Honeyshine's, it wasn't hard to identify Smokepaw. Based on his narrowed eyes, and set jaw, one could gather that the tom wasn't exactly pleased to be participating in this. After a few long moments, the mottled gray and black tom sighed, and placed a paw over his heart. With his other paw, he pointed upwards. "Ooooooooh-ah-oooooooo yadda yadda yadda eeeeeextendeeeed voooooweeeeeels! Something something dreams and aspirations blah blah blaaaaah! Sudden climaaaaax! Fall away! Cooooonclusiooon."

When Smokepaw finished his song, the lights went out again, leaving the stage in darkness. Someone in the audience sneezed.

After a few painful minutes went by, the lights flickered on again. This time, Smokepaw was perched on a swivel chair, and typing furiously into a computer mounted on a dark oak desk. He continued to type for a few more seconds, before he abruptly spun away in his swivel chair. The chair careened across the stage, while Smokepaw began to scream/sing again. "Inspirations! Such elation! Truly, there is no greater joy than to com-poooooose! The Fire x Gray ship shall flourish with my proooooose!"

The chair seemed destined to fly off the stage, and a few of the audience members sitting in the front rows began to try to frantically, yet discretely, exit the area.

However, before a certain swivel chair could make any reckless decisions it might later regret (theater seats are total gold-diggers), a ping sounded from Smokepaw's computer. Somehow, defying all the laws of physics, the chair abruptly stopped, and began to spin in the other direction. Some people who like to read between the lines in movies or plays they watch might have perceived it as a metaphor for a wayward child getting called back by its mother. And, of course, those "some people" would have a friend who would tell them, in a condescending tone, that their theory didn't make any sense; chairs were invented way before computers were, so wouldn't they be the parents, not the other way around? Well, screw you Chelsea, my theories about computers and swivel chairs are way more awesome than anything _you _can come up with! Just like this fanfiction is way better than anything you could write!

Wait, hold on, uh, could you repeat that?

Are you saying that people can read this?

Oh, uh . . . sorry 'bout that. Why don't we, uh, get back to our main feature? -coughs nervously-

Smokepaw spun on his spinning spinny chair, until he arrived back at his desk. Looking down at his desk, the tom made an obviously fake gasp, and looked back at the audience. "A review! Oh, joy! Such wonder to grace my eyes! Let me say the words so the whole world might know; 'The Fire x Gray ship is awesome, and I'm glad I'm not ah-loooooooone!"

Smokepaw sprang from his swivel chair, and pirouetted on the stage. "This feeling, this wonder, I feel like it could go on for-evaaaaah! A single moment, like a day of perfect weaaathaaaaaah! It's oh, so fleeting, yet oh so grand! I'm up in the air, and I hope to never laaaaaaaand!"

The tom abruptly dropped to his nonexistent knees (cuz cats don't knees . . . I think), and threw his paws up above him. "I love you Fire x Graaaaaaaaaay! Yeah!"

And with that, the lights went out again. And once again, no one dared do anything except stare uncomfortably at each other. After a few minutes of awkward silence, there was some shuffling sounds from backstage, and Fell emerged, carrying a cue card under her arm. Her eyes were narrowed at the audience, who she stalked towards. Abruptly, she stopped, and held the sign over her head, and everyone was now able to see "Applause" was written on it. "Please?" Fell queried, batting her eyes at the cats below her. She was putting her signature cute-kit act on, and eventually, some of the audience members began to clap. Once she was satisfied, the white kit turned and left.

The lights went back on. Smokepaw lay in a heap, his laurels disheveled and his robes no longer clean. "Oooooh, fickle muse, where art thou?" The tom cried despondently. "Why have thou abandoned thee? Thine curse thee to theh-words! Release thee! Thee sound like thee has a lisp or something! Please, allow thee to repent! Hear thy prayer!"

The mottled tom flopped dramatically onto his side. "No longer do thy ideas flow! Thy mind is like mush, and muscles like stoooooone! Fire x Gray is goooooone!"

"Who the hell is Firetimesgray?" Someone yelled.

"Firestar and Graystripe, you moron! It's a ship!"

"Oh. What's a ship?"

"We are in the middle of an opera!"

"Yeah, shut up, and get with the times, loser!"

"Okay, okay . . . Jesus-Cat."

Smokepaw had his head balanced on his curled paw, and he was tapping the floor impatiently with his other paw. "Are we good here, guys? Alrightee then." He then turned and looked imploringly at some other part of the stage.

Honeyshine and her harp was illuminated again. Playing a quick little tune, Honeyshine turned and looked down at Smokepaw. "Oh, young mortal, weep no more! Tis I, the Muse of Written Words! I shall bestow upon you the secret to inspiration, but first, I must ask something of you!"

"Anything, sweet Muse!" Smokepaw swore. He looked to her hopefully.

"It is not much that I ask, and many before you have eagerly paid the price! Simply, what I require is this:" Honeyshine paused to strum up another tune. "Ooooooh, grant me your waking hours, and your slumbering ones! Bestow upon me your social life (it's not like you ever had one) and all your other ventures! Give me your wealth and health! Your mind and your body! Innocent mortal, give me your sooooooooooouuuuuuul!"

"Um," Smokepaw said. "I just want to be able to continue my Fire x Gray fanfiction."

"Oh," Honeyshine said, looking almost disappointed. "Well, in that case, why didn't you just ask your friends for help? Freaking jerk, you made me come all this why for nothing!" Doing the cat equivalent of a hair-flip, Honeyshine grabbed her harp and promptly flew away, strumming a very _emotional _and _personal _tune because oh my StarClan, no one ever really _got _her, y'know?

"Well, that happened," Smokepaw said, staring up after Honeyshine. "Welp, better go get my robes cleaned up and go to town with my friends!"

The tom smoothed down his robes, and skipped over to another part of the stage, which became illuminated as he approached. A trio of tall white pillars surrounded two cats, who were sprawled across a set of marble steps. One, a brown tabby and white she-cat, was scribbling in a notebook, while the other, a black and white tom kit, bopped to some music he was receiving through a set of white earphones.

"Smokimus!" The she-cat exclaimed, noticing the gray tom approaching. "I haven't seen you in a while! What happened? Ahem, I mean, whaaaaaat haaaaappeeeeeened?"

"Briiiiiiindeeeeeeeliiiiiine! The Muse had aaaaaah-bandoned meeeee! My path is no longer cleeeeaaaraaharrrrraharrrraheeeer to seeeeee!"

"Weeeeeheeheeeheeheeeel, **practicing other forms of art, such as drawing or interpretive dancing (eeeeeespeeeecially interpretive dancing) can help you find ideas for a story**!"

"**Listening to music is good, too!**" Badgerkit exclaimed, springing up. "**And taking a shower can always help you clear your mind!**"

"**When ideas do come to you, try closing yourself off from any distractions, and focus on writing everything out!**" "Brindeline" added.

"Wow, you guys are singing really clearly," Smokepaw stated, a little jealously.

"**Practice makes peeeeeerfeeeeeect!**" Badgerkit affirmed, skittering off to do an epic interpretive dance at center stage. He became the leaf, guys, HE BECAME THE LEAF.

While Badgerkit spun around as THE LEAF caught in a storm, Brindle continued the song. "**Doing chaaaaaaall-enges helps get the creative juices flowing. Try writing a drabble about the other story ideas you can't get out of your head!**"

Smokepaw turned to look at Badgerkit, and his dance of THE LEEEAAAAAF uncertainly. To tell the truth, Badgerkit's transformation into THE FREAKING LEAF was starting to unnerve him. Plus, he was pretty sure he hadn't seen any mention of THE LEAF (LEAF IS LOVE LEAF IS LIFE) in the script.

"Um, Brindle . . ."

"**Go to school and be bored! That always helps me!**"

"Brindle, I think Badgerkit is going a bit overboard . . ."

"**Read a book! Read a really good fanfic/original story that makes you jealous and extra determined!**"

"Wow, that doesn't even look physically possi-okay _seriously _Brindle!"

"Daydream about becoming a really popular writer of fanfic about cats. Realize that you write fanfic about cats."

"Brindle, he's getting really close to the edge of the stage! Oh god, it's the swivel chair thing all over again . . ."

"Become bitter because you write fanfic about cats. Start thinking jealously about that Chelsea, who never writes fanfic about cats. Freaking Chelsea."

"Brindle! Brindle! Brindle, oh my Cat-Jesus, are you even listening?"

"That Chelsea is a total loser anyways. She doesn't get good grades like _you _do. Sure, she's got a lot of friends, and stuff, but you're totally going to be a super successful something-or-another in the futur-"

"LEEEEEAAAAF POWAAAAAH BABY!"

"Oh, poop."

Smokepaw sprinted across the stage. "Nooooo, Badgerutus! E tu?"

"It was necessaaaaary," Badgerkit coughed. "There's . . . always . . . a draaaaamaatic deeeeeeeaath!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Smokepaw wailed, as the lights went out.

A few minutes passed. "Um, is that it?" Someone dared to ask.

Fell re-emerged. This time, instead of a sign, she was carrying a lightsaber. "Okay, you stuck-up jerks, I'm done playing nice!" She activated the lightsaber, and raised the red-glowing rod above her head threateningly. "Anyone who fails to clap _now _gets it!"

Everybody clapped.

* * *

**Weeeeeee! Another chapter down! I hope some of you managed to find this at least somewhat funny/helpful! xD**

**And no, I don't know anyone named Chelsea, in case you were wondering. She's just the female version of a "Chad." Kudos to those of you who know what a Chad is. ;)**

**Since I doubt I'll be able to squeeze out another chapter until 2016, Haaaaaappy New Year!**


	9. Plotting the End of the World

**Aaaaaaaaaay! Beeeeeee! Ceeeeeeeee! Shreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm back, baby! Didja miss me? Cuz I missed you! ****How's it been? How's 2016 been treating you? **

**I've noticed that there have been several stories made with some heavy inspiration taken from this story right here. I'm fine with other information-giving crazy-cat talk shows, but I would appreciate you guys at least giving me a heads-up before publishing stories inspired by WGTWF in the future. **

**I'll add a Story Spotlight here as soon as I can read through some fanfictions (dunno what's still active since I lasted posted a chapter).**

**In the meantime, Reviewing the Reviews!**

**Featherfall's Lullaby: Since I am a merciful benefactor, yes, you may have a cookie. -offers- Thank you for the compliment!**

**Keeper of the Starry Night: FirexGray is destined to be . . . A THING? Yes, I think so. **

**Amberfoots Warriors wizard: I'm glad you found it useful!**

**ShadmetheAngel: Eh, there was enough newness that I didn't mind the retread. **

**Rosymist: I actually do have a couple episodes planned that would focus on making good characters! :)**

**Rivermoon: The Aspen's Screech** **is a pretty neat story. However, the purpose of the Story Spotlight is to give attention to stories that don't have a lot of reviews. Since The Aspen's Screech already has a lot of reviews, it doesn't qualify for the SS.**

**Shadowman: Oh my, that's a lot of reviews. x3 Lessee . . . I probably wouldn't have a cameo from a character outside of the Warriors fandom. However, I could add some velociraptors and lightsabers in future episodes! I might also do a chapter on Human-Warrior stories in the future, after this current series of episodes is complete!**

**Thank you guys so much for 100 reviews! I'm glad you're enjoying the story, and approving of the information I've compiled in here! Today's episode isn't one of the more humorous ones, but it is definitely more info-centric. I hope you enjoy!**

**Episode Nine (Nein!): Plotting the End of the World**

.

_"Hey, what's up, viewers?" Honeyshine said, waving at the _camera. "It's been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry 'bout that! But hey, to make up for the absence, we've got a special announcement! Previously, we just made episodes on the fly, with whatever subject material we thought was the most fun, or the easiest to talk about. However, some of our previous episodes aren't all that helpful to the majority of writers, so we decided to switch up our gameplan. Now, we're giving you a step by step process to making a Warriors story! Here is the line-up for future episodes:"

1\. Plot (today's episode!) - the events that occur in your story!

2\. Main Characters - the characters the story is about!

3\. Evil - making realistic/interesting antagonists!

4\. Background Characters - how to make lesser characters (get rid of those pesky OCs Needed!)

5\. The First Chapter/Prologue - how to draw readers in!

6\. Conflict - writing good battles, and making struggles within your story interesting!

7\. Romance - how to write good and realistic romances!

8\. ? - maybe more?

9\. Conclusion - how to wrap your story up!

"You like? We hope so? Leave suggestions for relevant episodes in your reviews! After we reach the chapter about Conclusion, we will return to our usual hectic nature."

Smokepaw stood up, and smoothed down his mottled black and gray chest fur. "While we are doing these episodes, we will be developing an 'example story.' For example, in today's episode, we will be coming up with a hypothetical plot! By the time we reach the Conclusion episode, we'll have a complete storyline on our paws, er, hands."

Honeyshine nodded. "Alrightee then, let's kick-off today's episode, which is about coming up with a plot! Fell?"

The tiny white kit, wearing her beloved Master Collection Dark Forest Robes, presented a white card with the word "Brainstorm" written on it in embossed gold letters.

**1\. Brainstorm**

"While it may seem obvious," Fell chirped. "In order to have a story you have to come up with an idea!"

Badgerkit, who sat on a stool next to the whiteboard, began to write on it. "Okay, so I thought of something! What if we write a story about a character who tries to fight their destiny?"

"Ugh," Smokepaw said. "Haven't we seen enough of that kind of story already?"

Badgerkit pouted, but Fell perked up. "But, what if this cat lives in a clan that is super superstitious? Like, they're always looking for signs from the dead to determine their fate!"

Honeyshine nodded. "Now, that sounds interesting!"

"Oh, and this cat got an omen that they're destined to something horrible, or something!" Badgerkit said, standing up on his stool.

"Oooo, what if they tried to destroy the evidence of them getting this omen, or they ran away?" Smokepaw asked. He perched earnestly on the edge of his seat. "What if they were trying to investigate the truth, and one of the higher-ups planted the omen so the clan would turn against them?"

"Ooh! Ooh! What if the whole omen thing is a generations-long ruse by the leaders or medicine cats?" Fell said, bouncing excitedly.

Honeyshine grinned. "These all sound great!" She pointed a paw at Badgerkit. "Write it down!" The kit nodded and began to scribble furiously on the whiteboard.

"Next card!" The gold and white she-cat shouted, pointing at Fell. The white cat presented a card that said, "Find a Conflict."

**2\. Find a Conflict**

"Now that we've come up with a cool idea, we need to hone a base conflict for our story!"

"Cat vs. Destiny!" Fell shouted. "Yeah, I paid attention in school!"

"Bingo," Honeyshine said, pointing her trusty Pointy Stick of Pointing at the kit. "10 Points to Slytherin!"

"Woot!"

"Hey, how come I never get any points?" Badgerkit protested.

"Because you're in Hufflepuff, and nobody cares about Hufflepuff."

"Poo."

"Aaaaaanyways," Honeyshine said, grasping The Stick. "Like Fell said, our cat-tagonist is struggling with the concept that they have no say in their fate. They're a _rebel. _Which means there's probably some Cat vs. Society sprinkled in there, too."

"In conclusion," Smokepaw said. "Blahblah is a cat living in BlahClan. BlahClan is obsessed with destiny, and sees prophecy in everything. They're really superstitious, and when a bad omen about Blahblah is revealed, they grow wary of them. Blahblah struggles with their destiny, and their clan members, yada yada."

"Writing it down," Badgerkit said, covering the whiteboard in black.

Fell held up her third card.

**3\. Determine a Sequence of Events**

"We've got a conflict, now we determine the exposition, rising action, climax, and aftermath!" Honeyshine said.

"Should we go the usual route, with the story following the character as a kit, apprentice, then warrior?" Smokepaw asked.

"Well, if we're going to start at kithood, there should be a valid reason. Maybe she or he sees the medicine cat find an omen or something?" Honeyshine said.

"Oh, what if we start with a birth scene, and the medicine cat pops in to say that the protagonist is going to be special, or whatever?" Badgerkit asked.

Smokepaw shook his head. "Nah, that would be too cliche. How about the prologue is about the protagonist at some future point seeing their life literally flash before their eyes?"

"We can worry about the prologue later, if it's going to be out of sequence," Honeyshine said with a dismissive wave of her paw. "It would be easier if we focused on creating a linear sequence of events.

"Alright, so maybe we should start with the character being an apprentice, just because kit chapters seem to be unnecessary filler," Smokepaw said. "The first few chapters or so would provide information about the clan to the reader, and what makes that clan different. Perhaps, the main character is a loner, who doesn't fit in well with the other apprentices, making them more susceptible to being turned against by the clan."

"Ooooooor, what if they're actually really popular because they got a good omen at birth or something?" Fell chirped.

Smokepaw shook his head. "The story is about the character struggling with a destiny they don't want, so that doesn't make any sense. Perhaps, we should give some backstory to the character. Maybe one of their parents was a bad cat, and that's their 'bad omen.' Like parent, like kit, you get what I'm saying?"

"It could make sense," Fell argued. "Maybe they don't want to have the 'good' destiny dealt to them, or after being so popular for so long, receiving a bad omen is what causes them to backslide."

"Both of your ideas are interesting," Honeyshine said. "And both provide good motivations for the character to struggle with their destiny. However, we should probably consider what kind of message we want to send to the reader."

"That you can overcome strife if you persevere," Smokepaw mewed.

"That spoiled people get what's coming to them," Fell said.

Honeyshine frowned, pondering both of them. Suddenly, Badgerkit sprang up on his chair. "What if we used both?"

"Oh, good idea, Badgerkit! Perhaps, we can have two protagonists; one well-received character eventually has their life fall apart, and another scorned character desperately trying to change the system. Maybe, they are friends of sorts who eventually rise up against the rest of the Clan and free everyone from their superstition!"

"Auuuuuugh, what is this rush of joy and excitement?" Fell said.

"It's called inspiration. Enjoy it while it lasts," Smokepaw said, patting the kit on the shoulder.

"Alright, alright, quick, Badgerkit, let me at the marker before the feeling's gone!" Fell began to eagerly scribble something on the board.

There was a brief silence, and then- "Fell, what in the world are you drawing?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's a forest burning, and cats running in terror while our main characters look on triumphantly!"

Honeyshine put a paw to her forehead.

"Give me that!" Smokepaw hissed, snatching the marker out of Fell's paws.

"Hey!" The white kit protested, but Smokepaw ignored her. The tom wiped away her crudely drawn stick figures, and began writing down a sequence of events.

1\. Main Character (Omen) is typical apprentice in Clan / Supporting Character (Gold) is the well-loved daughter of Clan leader. Both are friends. Clan is in good mood; spirits seem pleased with them.

2\. Omen does poorly in hunting and fighting, and is teased by the other apprentices. Omen feels disillusioned about future as warrior. / Gold is a promising apprentice, and discovers an omen showing two forces fighting, one of them being a shower of golden light. She tells Omen about it, excited about being a future hero. Omen tries to feel happy for her.

3\. Omen runs off into the woods, determined to hunt for herself, and accidentally stumbles upon a strange cat. The stranger flees.

4\. A disease starts spreading among the clan, and the medicine cat takes a group including Omen. During a huge storm, Omen is separated from the group. She is found and revived by a group of rogues, one of which Omen recognizes as the stranger they saw earlier. She is wary of them, and sneaks out while they are sleeping, but is surprised they helped her.

6\. Omen returns to the clan, and is welcomed with surprise. Some of the elders mutter about Omen not being destined to return, and as a result, will incur the spirits' wrath.

7\. The Clan hunts for a cat to sacrifice to the spirits in thanks for finding the cure, and the rogue that is caught is recognized by Omen as one of the ones that helped her. She sneaks the rogue out in the middle of the night, but is spotted by a clan cat.

8\. That first stranger (let's call them Watcher) sneaks over to Omen while she's hunting to thank her for bringing back the rogue. Omen, curious about the rogues, begins meeting up with Watcher more frequently. She learns more about the life of those not obsessed with interpreting omens and following destiny.

9\. Omen, Gold, and others become warriors. Special ceremony happens where medicine cat interprets an omen for each warrior. For Omen, the medicine cat speaks about a traitorous decision and a bloody death. Gold meanwhile, gushes about her future as a mother of beautiful kits, and a hero in a great battle.

10\. Omen warns Watcher about the fact the Clan may discover them. Watcher agrees to stay away. Omen starts to be plagued by dreams full of shadowy cats chasing her through dark forests. / Gold and the tom she liked become mates. / Omen spots one of the rogues (Wander) with another clan cat (Bird). Omen discovers an omen in the medicine cat's den; a bloody bird with deep claw marks in it

11\. Bird is found dead, with a strange cat's scent on them. The Clan suspects it's a group of rogues. Patrols increase, and Gold starts talking about her omen again. Omen's dreams worsen.

12\. Omen wakes up in the middle of the night to see a shadowy cat in the clearing. She stays still, and when they leave, she finds an "omen" left by the cat shows an animal covered in blood that is related to her name. Quickly, she takes the animal and dumps it outside camp.

13\. Wander is captured by one of the patrols, and determined to be Bird's killer. The leader takes the opportunity to determine if there are any other rogues, stating that the clan needs to rid themselves of these malevolent cats. Wander reveals the rogues' location in an effort to save her life, but is killed anyway. The clan prepares for war.

14\. Omen struggles between her concern for the rogues and the horrible fate she'll face if she helps them. In the meantime, she tries to keep her head down. Gold is informed that she is pregnant by the medicine cat.

15\. Omen is on a patrol when Watcher is spotted. He'd come to try and rescue Wander, and has brought several of the other rogues. A fight breaks out, and Watcher is pinned down. Before he can be killed, Omen tackles the other warrior and ends up killing him. It's out of the other cats' sight, though, so no one else (supposedly) saw Omen's actions. She tells Watcher that Wander is dead, the clan is preparing to kill them all, and the rogues retreat.

16\. When the day of the raid arrives, the rogues' camp is abandoned, and the clan suspects a traitor. Omen is relieved that the rogues escaped.

17\. Gold delivers her kits, one being a stillborn lookalike of Gold. Rumors spread about bad omens.

18\. Omen sneaks out at night to investigate a strange noise, and spies the clan leader and another cat talking. / Later that same cat (Merc) ambushes Omen while she's alone, and tries to kill her. Omen gets the upper hand, and demands to know who they are. They tell her that they are in a business relationship with the leader and the medicine cat. He gets the stuff they use for constructing fake omens, and carried out the murders that were later pinned on diseases or the rogues. He was going to kill Omen for being a traitor to the clan. Omen kills him and hides his body.

19\. Omen knows she must flee, but decides to warn her friend Gold that some of the omens are a ruse by the leaders. However, when she gets back, she discovers that the whole clan is up; Merc had dragged Gold's kits out of the nursery, and murdered them. Considering Omen was still covered in Merc's blood, she is accused of being jealous of Gold, and killing her kits. The leader informs the clan that Omen was also the one who helped the rogues on multiple occasions, and they all launch themselves at her.

20\. Omen flees, and eventually is caught and pinned down by Gold. She pleads for her life, explaining that she was framed, and that the rogues never did anything wrong. Gold doesn't believe her, but Omen overpowers her and runs away.

21\. Omen reunites with the rogues. / Gold find herself an outcast in her own clan, and feels broken after the deaths of her kits.

22\. Omen is visited by an ancient spirit from "StarClan," urging her to liberate her Clan from their tyranny. Omen agrees after some hesitation. She rallies the rogues, asking them to help her.

23\. Climatic battle truth is revealed yada yada. Gold's omen comes true when she turns against her father, and those who don't join the rogues flee or die. Closes with Omen giving a monologue about how freedom is better than knowing one's destiny.

"Aaaaaaand done!" Smokepaw said triumphantly. The others gaped at him.

"Wow, that is really tiny font," Honeyshine said, pulling out a pair of binoculars.

"No, it isn't! It's the same font size as everything else!"

"Shhhh, don't break the fourth wall."

"But I wasn't-and you just-oh whatever."

Honeyshine frowned. "This is all fine and dandy, but you just copied this off of something that took hours for GP to come up with. We want to be able to coach people through creating a plot, not just writing an example one down."

"You know what this means," Smokepaw said with a sigh.

"Yes," Honeyshine said grimly.

"It's time to pull out some letters!" Fell cheered. She began to write on the back of the card.

**3a. Write Down the Main Problem and Resolution**

Badgerkit scribbled down, "The clan is being controlled using fake omens made by the leader and medicine cat. The protagonist reveals this to the clan, and they turn against their leader."

**3b. Add Other Problems**

Badgerkit craned his neck at Smokepaw's resolution of the plot, and wrote down various things, including Omen's Lack of Popularity (resolved by her acceptance by the rogues), Disease (resolved by cure), Rogues About to Get Attacked (resolved by Omen warning them), Omen's Persecution (resolved by her running away, and then revealing the truth).

**3c. Refine**

"After writing down a sequence of events, feel free to edit and such. The plot we used as an example was edited a lot; we changed things like Gold's and Omen's relationship, the order that events occurred, and what happened to certain characters," Honeyshine said.

**4\. Fix Plot Holes**

"Inevitably, some of the plots you'll come up with will have details that seem contradictory. For example, not all the omens in our example could possibly have been constructed by the leader and medicine cat. How were they able to predict the battle between the rogues and the warriors? Why would the leader allow Merc to kill Gold's kits, just to get rid of one traitorous cat? What was the origin of Omen's dreams? Why would the Clan treat Gold as an outcast just because her kits got murdered? Why didn't the leader and medicine cat have Omen killed right away when they discovered she had been meeting with one of the rogues?" Honeyshine ticked off all of the plot holes on each of her toes.

"It's important to recognize plot holes, and then fix them. That's why you ought to determine a sequence of events _before _writing your story. Too often, people end up quitting on stories because on paper/screen, they turned out differently than they expected them to. You're never going to get a story exactly perfect the first time you write it, so you might as well patch things up before they become a huge problem."

Fell pulled out a list from beneath her robes. "Here are some examples of things that create plot holes:"

**a. ****Fourth-Wall Breakers**

"Have you ever watched a horror movie where a jump-scare happens to spook the audience, but doesn't really make any logical sense within the context of the story? Like, for example, a monster lunging at the screen when there's technically nothing there for it to scare. That's what's called a fourth-wall breaker. Not all fourth-wall breaks are plot holes; some are used effectively for comedy.

"An example of a problematic fourth wall breaker is when Omen discovers a torn-up bird in the medicine cat's den. From a writer's point of view, it's **there to give information to the audience**, specifically a heads-up to Bird's death, but when it's revealed the omen was fake, **that information-giving device no longer makes any sense**. Why would the medicine cat go to the trouble of bloodying up a bird, when he never ends up doing anything with it? Perhaps, he was going to put it somewhere to serve as a warning to Bird, but we never get to see that, only Omen accidentally coming across it."

**b. Contradictory Information**

"In the beginning of the story, it's established that the Clan relies on omens to determine its future. So, when it's revealed these omens are actually fake, a lot of things are put up to question. How were the cats making omens able to predict the future so accurately? Why was it that some of these omens mentioned in the story physically impossible for those cats to create (e.g. Omen's dreams, Gold's "shower of light)? It's important if you're incorporating plot twists later on in your story that contradicts previous information, to justify the new information without creating any plot holes.

"These next two kinda go along with contradictory information," Fell mewed.

**c. Shaky World-Building**

"This isn't usually a problem in fanfiction, since you're writing stories within an established setting with its own set of rules and expectation, but in this particular case, we were creating a story about a Clan with a different lifestyle than that of the warriors found in Erin Hunter's books. If you ever find yourself needing to create new rules, and information, you should make sure that everything makes sense, and is coherent."

**d. Plot Twists**

"Building on what I said earlier, plot twists should be implemented without creating any contradictory information, or additional plot-holes."

Fell reached for the next card, and frowned when she failed to grab one. "Um, I think that's it."

"Great!" Honeyshine mewed. She turned towards the camera. "I think that concludes today's episode, then! Make sure to tune in next time, for our discussion on Protag-"

"Wait!" Fell shouted. She stumbled over to Honeyshine, and in her eagerness, tripped over robes. "We never actually got around to plotting the end of the world!" The poor kit seemed despondent, craning her head up from under her hood.

"Oh, well that's easy!" Honeyshine said, waving the kit off with a paw. In classic Honeyshine-fashion, the gold and white she-cat pulled a remote from out of nowhere. This one, unlike her myriad of other remotes, had only a single, shiny, dangerously irresistible red button. Fell eyed it curiously.

"See, what you do is make a red button, and tell people not to press it," Honeyshine explained. "And because people are dumb, they go ahead and press it anyway."

Fell scratched her head. "How does that make the world end?"

"Didn't you just hear me say this was a red button? Red buttons were made for only one purpose; ending worlds!"

"I wish coming up with plots was as easy as making the world go 'boom'," Fell said with a sigh.

Honeyshine nodded solemnly. "It is a sad, twisted world we live in, young one. A sad world, indeed. Now . . . who wants to press a button!"

"I do!" Everyone chorused.

* * *

**Woo, another chapter down! Coming up with that plot took forever! Sorry you guys had to wait so long for this one, I hope it was worth your while! Until next time!**

**-froths incoherently at the mouth-**


End file.
